Bangladesh know how to hold a bat

Mushfiqur Rahim's face

Walking photo-shop?

England’s incredible global domination continues, much in the style of Genghis Khan, Napoleon or Starbucks

A step up from its previous opponents, England have locked horns with the Tigers. No opposition is as fearsome as horned tigers.

To those of us who have temporary flicked our attention away from the shrieking international cricket schedule, to, you know, take a glance at burning Bangkok, economic meltdown in Europe and impending nuclear war in the Korean Peninsula, the Bangladesh tour has come as a surprise.

It was only five minutes ago that England were wrapping up a famous win against the Aussies. And only seconds ago since we won the T20 World Cup.

But now, England continue metering out punishment to its lesserlings, with 100% English Jonathan Trott putting the Tigers to the elephant gun.

There were a few eager comments regarding Bangladeshis’ ‘promising’ bowlers, in that there were a few balls that were ok. But, let’s be honest. They’re crap.

The tourists nullified England’s foremost threat, Kevin Pietersen, by cleverly giving the ball to the person who bowls left-handed. And, maybe a few more successes might get them back in the game. But generally, its one way traffic, only, less dangerous. Maybe heavy traffic. A no way traffic jam, perhaps.

But, as we England fans can readily impart, there is always hope.

A few more wickets might get the Bangladeshis really going. There is nothing as fearsome as horney tigers.

Testing who?

Bangladesh have won their second test match, against a side that couldn’t actually break into their first team’s test line-up.

The West Indies have revived their persistent player relation issue, with their entire on strike. Of course, it’s entirely reasonable for them to have done so. They haven’t got that much money.

And test match cricket is probably too boring for them anyway.

There have been some facetious murmurings regarding West Indies test status, and much vociferous chunterings about Bangladesh’s.

But, we are left wondering as to the standing of a second-rate test nation’s victory over a test team’s seconds squad. The scorers make the appropriate entries and log records, as their institution dictates, but how to other spectators view the match?

Well, if we are being kind, we can cite Bangladesh’s general improvement (albeit mainly in the shorter formats) and the need to broaden test cricket, whilst dutifully applying the patience that this principle requires. Indeed, as an England fan, I can cite many tours in which their squad has been decimated by gammy knees and unpleasant bowel conditions. Are England’s perennially crock collective worthy of test status, when, their “leading” bowler has been out for the past four years?

The problem however relates to depth. As we saw last week even a second string England team can trouble the leading test nation, perhaps more so than the actual test squad.

Although there are some paper records set by this match – a rare Tiger victory, a test match century, etc – it is doubtful that these statistical achievements will linger in the catalogue of test match honours.

The cricketing community will ignore this match, and forget the events and thrills without compunction. Indeed, it will be tacitly labelled as a first class match, or even a club game. And yet, the absurdly legalistic methods of international cricket afford this game a quality that no critical, rational human being would consider.

So, how does the ICC believe that we should treat this match – or, indeed, similarly sub-standard games?

I suspect they'd advice us to direct our attentions elsewhere. Towards the lucrative Indian market, perhaps?

Bangladesh grow into their trousers

And what trousers!

They’re playing a tri-thingy with Sri Lanka and Zimbabwe. The teams are full of nice people. Whereas the sides playing in Australia are full of bastards. So obviously we’d rather watch the Tiddly Tigers receive a gentle rodgering by their considerate sub-continental partners, than a watch rough-house quality performance with gits on some bloody pacific island.

Heck, if you were really in a voyeuristic mood, you could even watch them untrousered by Zimbabwe. But they have special genres for that line of business.

In any case, after their African unseating, Bangladesh sought vengeance for their humiliation and battered Sri Lanka. How, no one knows.

There are rumours that Sri Lanka has recently acquired a new girlfriend, causing them to stare absent-mindedly towards the WAGS enclosure as the ball speeds towards their collective heads. Occasionally, they have an embarrassing crack at poetry.

People are trying to avoid them.

Not only are they suffering from the usual symptoms of a rapidly shrinking bank balance and sleep deprivation, but this new female took anyway their ability to bowl straight without sighing wistfully at the thought of her beautiful pink elbows.

Then, as with all new relationships, Sri Lanka awakened to their daftness, and decided to pummel Bangladesh for “looking at her” - bowling them out for 154. Murali, fuelled by wild, jealous rage, bludgeoned the Tigglers into the dust for even thinking about it.

Nevertheless, the Tigers should be proud of their achievements: two efforts against hardened, experienced and skilful opponents. They have learnt their lesson: don’t get in the way of an inflamed Kumar and his gal.

But the Bangladeshis have earned their trousers today.

They have earned them good.

Bangladesh robbed by bad luck (and skill)

I know I’m preaching to the converted, but do you see? DO YOU SEE?

Do you see why test cricket is the best form of the game?

Bangladesh aren’t great, but they are improving. And they have some players that might even get into a Twickenham eleven. Given a few injuries.

Occasionally, they are capable of some Steve Tikolo-like efforts. Mohammad Ashraful has put in some impressive knocks, and some of their fans have strong opinions.

Now, Shakib Al Hasan, has burst onto the scene like a meaty porn star, and made a complete mess of the New Zealand boys. Those caps don’t look so black now.

Shakib scronked nine wickets in the match. Which, by most people standard’s, is pretty good. By Australian standard’s, that’s amazing-incredible-do-you-want-a-passport-mate?

Yet, AND YET, New Zealand are nevertheless, the better side. Look at them. Alright, they’re a scruffy bunch of Oasis-wannabes, but they have been playing cricket for a while now.

And, lead by their spin bowling captain genius Mr Trousers, the Kiwis absorbed the fright, recovered and forced an unflustered victory.

If this was a one-dayer, we’d be heralding an unexpected, if unsatisfying upset. If it was a twenty20, we’d be staring at the ceiling whilst our partner snored away.

Yet, the ups and downs, the interplay of luck and, ultimately, the skill were all allowed to entertain us.

“Yeah.” You might be thinking, “So what? I know this, and you always go on about tests.”

Ha. But, you’ll notice the gratuitous Steve Tikolo mention. Clever that.

Bangladesh all messed up: blame the Indians

Thank the Lord for the BCCI. Now that Bangladesh’s national team has been set back by about a decade, we can all content ourselves that the Tigers never need tour India.

Phew.

Some might say that the Bangladesh Cricket Board are also partly to blame for this. They banned the 13 rebel players from all national and international cricket for ten years. This isn’t really because of Indian pressure, but because of the comments of former Tiger captain, Habibul Bashar:

“Screw you, hippies.”

So now the 13 are off to live a life-style of opulence and isolation. It’s funny how those things usually go side by side.

Meanwhile, the Bangladeshi side is completely buggered. And for this, I blame India. No one, specific India is to blame. I’ve met a few. Some of them are nice. Some.

The intransigence of the BCCI and its failure to pursue a sensible policy towards the ICL is beginning to have serious, and long-term effects for the game. Sure, a few old duffers can quietly see out their days in a moneyed segregation, but it’s the whole-sale importing and out-casting of national sides that becomes problematic.

Weirdly, the BCCI accepted the logic of the ICL. They have suddenly realised what a jolly good idea twenty20 cricket. So why can’t they get along nicely, merge their leagues and stop buggering up cricket.

THINK OF THE CHILDREN.

Clash of greens

I think we’re getting a little parochial in AYALAC. Today I will post about things that are not directly related to The England or bums.

Ireland are currently playing Bangladesh. Both sides have been categorised as “developing”, one is that top of the class kid that the bigger boys like to bully and the other is that kid who has received a few too many blows about the head with a shovel, but occasionally is capable of an amazing judo move.

For fun, try and look back at your school days, and sort yourself into one of these groups.

Unfortunately (well I am sort of half Irish) our boys in light green lost to the boys in dark green in the first ODI. Ireland had a game that can only be described as a “shocker”. They were rolled over for 185, which the Tigers chased down in fewer than forty overs and with eight wickets to spare.

The Irish have done slightly better in the second ODI, by containing Bangladesh to 246/8. Well, I say “contain”, I mean, “prevent a ravishing.” Their attack was let by Dave Langford-Smith – that’s right, he of The Ferret fame – who managed 3-43.

Sadly, there is no sign of the Bangladesh Bop, although neutrals are hoping for a “dance out” in the case of a tied game.

It is unfortunate that I have posted mid-way through the match, but as Ireland stand at 112/5, it seems as though defeat is returning to Irish shores faster than you can say “Irish stereotype.”

I could say something serious here. I could point out the huge grant that was allocated to the Irish after a hugely successful World Cup. I could mention the disappointment that followed. The abysmal county performances. The large debts that their administrators racked up. But I won’t mention any of this.

Instead I will say: Ah Jesus, t’is our boys that’s coming now. They’re the Jockey’s bollocks, to be sure.

Bangladesh as useless as a washed up duck

Bangladesh lost to New Zealand by an innings and a million runs. It was an effortless, easy, pitiless victory. Their performance reminded me of this duck. It had been washed ashore near my house. “Poor duck” thought I, imagine how the Kiwis felt.

Well, not too much happened in the international cricket world today. To be honest, I’m to be honest I’m too distracted by tomorrow’s* post. It’ll be a hum-dinger, and will doubtless blow your puny minds into still punier bits.

So, let’s go through the motions anyway:

West Indies, still disappointing.
Shaun Pollock, still good, even though he’s old enough to captain England’s rugby team.
New Zealand, still rubbish.
Bangladesh, still uber-rubbish.

All in all, it has been more of the same. Which is remarkable, when you come to think of it. The cricketing landscape hasn’t really changed in twenty years. Australia are still dominant. Pakistan/India/South Africa are competing for the Number Two status. And England occasionally spark into something that isn’t useless at all.

As an intentional sport, cricket is very small: with the “elite” countries numbering only eight. This said, the relationship between these teams have stable throughout the past two decades. Of course, the decline of the West Indies has been dramatic. But other than that, nothing has really happened.

Bangladesh has been granted the status of a test nation. Sri Lanka are pretty decent at the five-day stuff now. But there’s nothing else of note, is there?

That’s quite depressed me. I’ll go away and do more interesting things now. Be sure to tune in tomorrow. It’ll be more amazing than this post. Honestly.

*Hopefully.

Bang-Lee-dead

Australia are proving to be very good at twenty20, as well as ugly. Bangladesh were battered by 9 wickets, with Australia reaching their target in just 13 overs.

The vomit yellows continued to pin-down the opposition and Brett Lee probing spell was rewarded with a hat-trick, the first in twenty20 history. And even he has a baby Boon belly.

Bangladesh were never in this match. Their tightly organised and disciplined approach to defeat the West Indies dissipated under the Aussie big guns. It was so boring it felt as if I was watching a football match.

Bangladesh really need to pull themselves together. There was some poor captaincy shown, and this is reflective of the lack of leadership in the side. There are few big names, but they are a solid team. Personalities need to come to the fore when you’re playing Australia.

When Matthew Hayden strode out to the crease and started battering them off the park, his physical dominance highlighted Bangladesh’s lack of mental authority. They collectively wilted when the match became difficult. The only thing they are lacking at the moment is steel. They have the skill and ability to beat any side in cricket, they just need the will to get there.

In a much better match, New Zealand beat India by 10 runs. It is difficult to know why India lost this match. It was very close, but both teams lost wickets at regular intervals. No, it was luck, really. Just random events conspiring together to produce a result. Not much point even trying. Everyone should just have a cup of tea in stead. In fact, I’m going to put on a brew now.

Hooray for tea!

Let’s try not to gloat

Many petty minded people would gloat because Australia lost to Zimbabwe, which is an intrinsically hilarious event. I am above such things.

I am not above saying I TOLD YOU SO, however. Let’s quote yesterday’s post:

I wouldn’t be surprised if Zimbabwe beat the Aussies. Or even won the World Bloody Championship.

And so it was. Australia, the mighty World Cup holding, Ashes Urn bearing monsters of the Antipodes were slain by teeny-weeny Zimbabwe.

Australia didn't lose because I made them, my Predictoron powers don't really apply in the twenty20 world, but because the randomness of the format did its thing. There was some skill shown by the Zimmers, but, you know, so what? Yeah?

Many people having been asking where The Predictoron went. Maybe I should bring it back for the new World Cup, they asked.

But, as stated elsewhere, you can’t actually predict the outcome of twenty20 matches. What you really need is a random number generator, and get that to crunch some stochastic statistics.

Of course, it would be absurd to say that the twenty20 was a ridiculous waste of time, where a bunch of blokes mess about on a field where strange, unexpected events emerge from tiny cricket vortexes to produce previously shocking results. It would be more correct to say: twenty20 is rubbish.

In other news, the terrifying Bangladesh knocked out the West Indies from the World Championship. Was that because the West Indies are terrible at batting? No, they’re pretty good at that. Awful at bowling? No, they’re ok. Dreadful fielders? Well, yes, but that really isn’t a decisive issue.

No, they simply received a bad role of the dice. They lost through bad luck.

Bangladesh's trousers: how low can they go?

Some of my more regular readers are becoming concerned (nee agitated) at the reduced frequency of update. Admittedly, things have been a little slow. It’s a work thing. You will find that people in paid employment have less time generally. I doubt you’ll ever need to worry about that, though.

Never mind! I have sacked my last roving reporter, and have engaged another. He’s currently finishing a draft of the test match in Durham. So, it’ll be nice and topical.

So! What in the news? Bangladesh are still as awful as the East Sussex County Council, but, fortunately, less doomed to nuclear annihilation.

In their current test match against Sri Lanka, they stand at 72-4. Which, frankly, is pants. Not as pants as they have been. Maybe more like boxer shorts. Or even girly pants: you don’t mind watching them, but you wouldn’t want to be in them.

There’s still plenty of time for the Tigers to redeem themselves. If they stick it out and escape only a modest thrashing, they may even promote into “shorts” status. This isn’t a great place to be, either, in my eyes.

Shorts are rubbish: Trousers any day, in my opinion. You can’t beat a good test match trouser.

Bangladesh in figures

Another appalling day for Bangladeshi test cricket. They were bowled out for a pittance – 62 in just 25 overs. The Sri Lankans, taking advantage of the good conditions, closed on 154-1.

Tim at the Third Umpire questions whether the Tigers are making any progress at all. I have long mumbled about their disappointing form in test cricket. Of course, it would be hysterical to draw-out a comparison to Zimbabwe in their dying days, but their persistent failure is disheartening.

To their credit, this is the lowest innings total in Bangladesh’s short test-playing history. However, low scoring is not an unknown phenomenon for the Tigers. Here is a list of their last ten scores:

148 (50) - L 1st Test v Aus in BD 2005/06 at Fatullah
197 (61.2) - L 2nd Test v Aus in BD 2005/06 at Chittagong
304 (80.2) - L 2nd Test v Aus in BD 2005/06 at Chittagong
238 (68.2) - D 1st Test v Ind in BD 2007 at Chittagong
104/2 (28) D 1st Test v Ind in BD 2007 at Chittagong
118 (37.2) - L 2nd Test v Ind in BD 2007 at Dhaka
253 (57.3) - L 2nd Test v Ind in BD 2007 at Dhaka
89 (32.3) - L 1st Test v SL in SL 2007 at Colombo
254 (87.1) - L 1st Test v SL in SL 2007 at Colombo
62 (25.2) – 2nd Test v SL in SL 2007 at Colombo

They have only passed 250 twice. It is the number of overs played, shown here in parenthesis, that shows you the character of a side. A weak team may not have the shots, but it can seek to maximise its chances by lasting as long as possible. Bangladesh have failed to survive let alone grit out a draw. They rarely reach the new ball.

Batting aside, their overall record is revealing. They have played 47 tests, and have lost 41. They have registered only a single victory – against a side that is deemed too feeble to play test cricket. Of these loses they have lost by an innings 27 times (66%). They have managed to draw a test only fives times, against India (1), the West Indies (1) and Zimbabwe (3).

In terms of player quality, the picture does not seem promising. When they started playing test cricket, the average player score was 24, and their bowling average was 46. These statistics have now worsened, batters managing only 20, and the team concedes 72 runs for each of their opponent’s wickets.

Using most objective measures, Bangladesh have not improved and even appear to be deteriorating. Below is a cumulative cross-tabulation for tests taken before first and second wins.

Team	Tests before first victory	Tests before second victory
India	25	30
New Zealand	45	55
Pakistan	2	15
Sri Lanka	14	20
Bangladesh	35	?

The most favourable comparison is with New Zealand, who took 45 goes to secure their first victory. Regular readers will know that I am not a fan of Kiwi cricket. To me, they are spring onions in the potato salad – a nasty, unwanted surprise in an otherwise creamy mix.

But, they’re a reasonable test side now. Better than some, worse than most.

Nevertheless, their player batting average started in the mid-twenties and even fell to 19 in the 1950s. Since the 1980s, it has settled at around 30 – like any respectable side.

I don’t think the under-achieving and boring type of cricket produced by New Zealand is the best model for Bangladesh. But, to be honest, it’s the only hope they have. Judging by these figures, the Tigers look bopped to me.

Bangladesh are worse than the Windies

During the West Indies tour, I have suggested that I thought the Bangladeshis a superior side to the Windies. I now formally revoke this foolish assertion.

The Sri Lankans are effortlessly obliterating Bangladesh in Colombo. The tourists were bowled out for 89 and the home team currently stands at 407/6.

Admittedly, I have had it “in for” the Tigers for some time. Frankly, I think Twickenham might fancy their chances against them in the longer-format. They did alright during the World Cup, but test cricket is designed to be the ultimate examination of skill. There is no hiding. No slogging out of trouble or indeed fielding your way out of trouble, as the Tigers often did in the Caribbean. It’s a long, hard graft.

Eee lad.

The Bangladeshis cannot do it. I have previously bemoaned their lack of character in previous batterings; you must have steel to win test matches. And they are about as steely as Saint Francis of Assisi.

Michael Vandort and Mahela Jayawardene have both eased hundreds. Muttiah Muralitharan got 5-15. My best bowling analysis was 4-11. And that was against a boy’s school that didn’t even play cricket.

That’s the sort of comparisons that you can now legitimately make with Bangladesh. They are a boy’s school, and Sri Lanka is the mighty Twickenham of the international stage. It works because it’s true.

If this continues, it will be worrying for world cricket. The question you have to ask is are Bangladesh taking test cricket seriously? Obviously, one-dayers are the Big Thing in the sub-continent, and undoubtedly limited overs matches brings in the money. But the longer format forges greatness, and is the pinnacle of international cricket. At the moment, you rather feel as if they couldn’t give a toss.

Thoughts on the India and Bangladesh

The three-match series between India and Bangladesh was disappointing for two reasons. One, the last match was lost to rain. Two, Bangladesh rarely challenged Indian control. India won 2-0.

Aside from one scare, the Indians always looked in charge. Indeed, they felt sufficiently dominant to field some new players. Young Piyush Chawla was given his ODI debut.

This talented leg-spinner has already been given a test cap, and used the opportunity well to take the wicket of Andrew Flintoff. Confident and full of variety, Chawla was entrusted as first-change bowler in the second match, and returned the favour with figures of 3/37 off his ten overs. It turns out, he’s also a useful bat – averaging 24 in first-class cricket.

Normally, I’m not keen on spinners that can bat. But he’s young, a leggie, and can learn to be rubbish at batting in time. And therefore he gets the coveted Ayalac nod.

MS Dhoni was a bit of a revelation. In the first match, he played a sensible, match-winning 91. In the second, a sedate supporting role, hitting 36 off 54. He really has matured since I last saw him, and here was I thinking he was another Shahid Afridi. At 25, Dhoni may be planning a distinguished future as a wicketkeeper-batsman.

Lastly, I’m a bit disenchanted by the Tigers. They scored some runs – but no enough. They got some wickets – but failed to claim the crucial scalps. And there was little Bopping. Bangladesh definitely need some more character to their play if they want to promote out of minnow status.

You need two wicket-keepers to win

Well, India proved me wrong and a 107 partnership by wicket-keepers Dinesh Karthik (58) and MS Dhoni (91) forced a victory for the visitors.

At 144/5 after 28.1 overs, with a run a ball required, India were in trouble. The Tiger's spinners were on top of the floundering Indian bastmen, and Bangladesh should have pushed hard for the win. However, Dhoni played a thoughtful innings and held India together. No mad flailing this time, he played with maturity to pull the match away from Bangladesh.

Karthik also played a sensible knock and will pressure Dhoni for those times when India only play one keeper.

Although they kept the run-rate down, the Bangladeshi attack lacks penetration. One more wicket would have won them the match. The Tigers are surely young and nice people, but I think a mean ruthlessness is needed now.

This was certainly an impressive performance by both teams. India showed their character in pulling themselves out of certain defeat, and Bangladesh looked dominant for most of the match.

Bangladesh look better than India, at the moment

The Tigers have started brightly against India, scoring 250 off their reduced allocation of 47 overs. Javed Omar top-scored with 80, Saqibul Hasan (50) and Tamim Iqbal (45) supplying extra oomph to the innings. India’s reply has been faltering, at the moment they’re 64 for three. Although Virender Sehwag’s 30 off 21 has helped them to go for over 6 an over.

India badly need a win here. As the BCCI put it themselves:

“India is desperate to redeem itself after tumbling out of the first round of the cricket World Cup”

Indeed, the public ready to revolt unless they win the series. If Bangladesh whitewash them, expect a full revolution, fans storming BCCI and maybe over-throwing the Government to boot.

This is also an important time for the new players to start to make their name, and begin a new era in Indian cricket. Watch out for Ramesh Powar, Munaf Patel and Dinesh Karthik. So far, they seem ok. They may be integral to future sides. Or, they may be forgotten about forever. Who knows with the BCCI?

The Indian cricket team is a lot like the London Underground. Normally, it’s OK, and you wonder why the masses are so annoyed. Sometimes, an attractive girl sits opposite you. Sometimes she falls asleep, starts to snore loudly and drool large globules of saliva down her chin. You win some; you lose some.

Then, all trains travelling westward of Aldgate Station are cancelled because there is a “passenger on a train at Euston Square” of all reasons. When a ten minute journey takes over an hour, you are wondering whether you are losing more than you are winning. Much like how Indian cricket fans feel now. Poor souls.

Ireland rhythmically jiggle Bangladesh

Alright, that headline didn’t work. But you can’t say I didn’t try.

Interesting things happened yesterday. One of which was Ireland beating Bangladesh. Now, whether this is intra-minnow warfare is up for debate, but it was an intriguing match nonetheless. The Irish gambled much by batting first on a bouncy, fast pitch. However, it was a worthwhile risk, as the Tigers pace attack lacked teeth and failed to take advantage of the conditions.

After the openers built a strong platform, a decent score of 200+ was always on the cards. The mature Irish batting strategy put a lot of pressure on the Bangladeshis – they needed to preserve wickets if they were to track down 243. Yet, the lively bowling of Boyd Rankin and David Langford-Smith proved too much for them, and from 48-3, it was difficult to see how the Irish could lose. And they didn't - which stymied by desire to see more of the Bangladesh Bop.

As Ireland have taken this opportunity to beat a second Full Member of the ICC ODI league, they now qualify for the Championship. They are now ranked number twelve in the world, after Kenya. Have a look here for the technicalities.

I’m not sure about this mechanism. Yes, well done for beating teams, but I’m not sure whether, after only 12 one-day internationals, Ireland have done enough. Think about other teams that have been slogging away for years and years. Thinks of the Hollands, the Canadas and the Scotlands. They have been playing at this level for a long time, and yet the Irish, after a few whiz-bang performances, have edged past them.

We all know that ODIs are, to a certain degree, lotteries. Any team in the world could beat Australia on their day, well, except for Twickenham second eleven. Ireland trumped a rather down-beat Pakistan, and, to be perfectly honest, Bangladesh is still a minnow and anyone’s game. Considering the ICC’s promotion regulations, you have to wonder how it has taken so long for a minnow to fluke its way through.

This new status will bring more money to Irish cricket, which is good, but the benefits to world cricket will only be seen in the very long term: they may possibly achieve test status in 50 years, but in the interim, more records will fall, standards will drop and international cricket will no longer have the pull as the “elite”, the cream of the sport. Who would want to watch a series of the Ozzies against the Irish, it would be almost as predictable as the Ashes.

Ah well, the ICC usually make the best decisions though. I stop stop worrying.

In other news, Prince William split-up with his girlfriend Kate Middleton and I am, quite frankly, gutted.

Paul Nixon: England’s Australian

That’s right! Two posts in one day! You lucky devils!

There is something unerringly Australian about the England wicket-keeper, Paul Nixon. I think it’s the way that he wins and annoys the hell out of the opposition. OK – he doesn’t always win for us. But he did yesterday, and saw England home against the fearsome pace of the Bangladeshi attack.

I’ve said elsewhere that I think that people don’t give enough credit to gobby keepers. In terms of batting, all you want is a bit of lower-order slogging to end of the innings on an up-beat note. But sledging is Nixon's main forte, and there's a nice account of his constructive comments here.

However, there are limits to how Australian we would want Nixon to become – see here for a lament against Ricky Ponting’s on-the-pitch pathetic remarks. I have warned against the the perils of aping the ape-people, but the bloke gives some steel to a notriously feebly-minded side.

So, well done Nixon. You single-handedly beat Bangladesh. And if that isn’t worth writing about, I don’t know what is. Last thought to the man himself:

"Sometimes they call me The Badger, because I'm mad for it, but I take that as a compliment."

Bangladesh bop SA

Well, who’d a thought it? “Minnows”, Bangladesh, destroy the world number one team by 67 runs.

This was a cracker of a match: the Tigers’ intensity on the field was only matched by the Proteas suicidal nonchalance. The Bangladeshi fielding was fearsome; every ball was seized upon by some crazy green-clad figure flinging himself at the ground, denying any easy runs. I would like to say that the pressure this created was too much for South Africa, but I feel their lack of effort was the chief cause of their downfall. The feeble SA innings saw two run outs and two caught and bowled. It was as if they couldn’t be bothered to counter the building pressure.

Bangladesh enjoyed the conditions, and with their army of left-arm spinners, they exploited the dry, dusty pitch well. Racing through their overs, at one point I counted 13 dot balls on the trot within about two minutes. Speeding through your overs in this way is an excellent way to intensify the pressure on the batsman, as it hardly gives an opportunity for the striker to examine the field and consider the next ball.

The South Africans seemed lost at sea against the spinners, and totally unable to get on top of them. Only the walking wounded Herschelle Gibbs got the better of them, lofting the spinners for repeated boundaries on his way to a gutsy 56 not out. The commentators made a lot of the SA’s inexperience of facing spin, due to the lack of slow-bowling in the domestic set-up. I really don’t find this argument convincing. South Africa is an international quality team that has played in the sub-continent and enjoyed success against spinners in the past. They simply failed to formulate a team strategy to counter the left-armers, probably because they didn’t take the Bangladeshis seriously.

Nevertheless, full credit to the Tigers. 251 was a superb effort batting first, against a world-class bowling attack of Shaun Pollock, Makhaya Ntini (whose ten overs were dispatched for 61) and the slightly psychotic Andre Nel. Mohammed Ashraful spanked a feisty, and probably match-winning, 87 helping Bangladesh to score 50-odd off the last six overs. A crashing lower-order display in batting the death, after the upper-order had played sensibly to preserve their wickets over the tricky opening overs and power plays underlined a great team endeavour. This mature pacing of their innings was deliberate and made the SA’s floundering performance looked amateur and even desperate in comparison.

Sadly, we didn’t see much dancing in the Tiger’s celebrations. I did, I am ashamed to admit, break out into a spontaneous Bangladesh Bop when the sixth South African wicket fell and it became obvious that the game could not be saved. I was in my dressing gown and wriggling delightedly at the minnow’s success. It’s a good job I don’t have a dog any more, otherwise I would have had some funny looks.

In other news, Ayalac has temporarily lost access to a copy of Photoshop, so there won’t be any pictures for a few days. Sorry. I know it’s depressing, but let’s try and get through this together.