Test 1, Day 2: Progress so far

It has been a good start for the press. They have not been proven completely wrong so far. No complete cock-ups by the England team, as yet.

Highlights of the day’s play include these:

Radio 4’s PM asked: “how many anthems does a cricket match need?”

Henry Blofeld kept us highly informed as ever: “There are four overs left. That’s three after the next one.”

Vic Marks revealed all: “I’ve got a small one. But I didn’t put it there.”

In other news, England did ok. I reckon that most England innings conform to the golden decline of three, the so-called the ménage à twats. Three wickets fall to the bowlers’ skill, three to luck and three to batsmens’ idiocy – every match has this pattern. EVERY MATCH.

So, England have done well, I reckon. Even useless duffer Collingwood got some runs.

The concern is the bowling department. We only have one specialist fast bowler – whereas in 2005 we had three. The rest are all-rounders, and everyone knows that you can’t be a decent quick unless you are a mug with the bat.

But, we were brave to go with spin twins, even though one of them doesn’t look like he could twirl a mop at the moment. But, slow bowling looks like the only way we can attack the Australians at the moment.

So, 450 runs to the Ozzlers on a lifeless pitch…probably.

We’re all doomed

Sri Lanka have a new spin twin pairing: Muttiah Muralitharan and Ajantha Mendis. And these guys look like they’re going to destroy the world and eat the moon for pudding.

In their recent match against the “we’re really good at playing spin, we are” Indians, the Lankans recorded a huge victory by an innings and 274 runs. That’s the sort of margin that gets statisticians excited: “highest winning margin in the mouth of July” they say.

The Indians were in a tizz at the crease. Only VVS, Hammer of the Ozzies, showed much resistance to the spinners’ tricks.

But, as the Indians followed on in the second innings, the Lankan twiddlers took apart the fragile tourists. The Indians lasted only 45 overs for their feeble 138 runs, with Anil Kumble’s 12 the pick of the innings.

That the Lankan batsmen could manage four centuries in their abundant innings is testament to the quality of the pitch, and the bowling that would follow.

Now that the Lions have two unplayable spinners, on top of two excellent quicks, we should perhaps just pack up and go home. Maybe put the kettle on and flick through the multitude of rubbishy channels that bless all modern day television. If we’re lucky, there might be a Bruce Lee film on. Or possibly some fat men throwing darts.

Murali took 11 wickets and young master Ajantha won eight.

This sort of thing is going to continue for some time. Perhaps, on occasion, the pitch will suit seam. In which case, Vaas will take 11 and Malinga eight.

We’re screwed, aren’t we?

What manner of man is this Anil Kumble?

JRod at Cricket with Balls rolled out the dictionary in a lovely little tribute to the Indian captain, Anil Kumble:

“Kumble turns batting into an introspection of life itself. The batsman has many questions to face during his spell. … A normal bowler tries to beat the batsmen, Kumble makes you define the very idiom of bastmanship.”

An unexpectedly philosophical turn from a normally raucous blog added a poignancy to the homage.

Kumble is a great bowler. His figures are out-standing, his leadership inspiring and even a test centurion. But watching him bowl jar with this image; he’s not a million miles away from Shahid Afridi.

But the beauty of Kumble, much like Shane Warne, is that he is made for international cricket; he’s a bowler custom-built to get the wickets of the very best batsman.

As JRod points out, this is partly due to his solid mental approach of stripping the game to the basics of consistent line and length with some variation.

But, there are some aspects of his bowling which make him disruptively difficult to face. His fast, fizzing leg-breaks bounce and spit at batsmen. Unlike Afridi, whose deliveries kiss the surface as he pushes through the ball, in a rather complicated, rushed action, Kumble’s overs are full of dangerously rising balls which are naturally produced from his springy, elegant action.

Moreover, given his speed, it only takes a subtle variation to beat the batsman. The old adage is that you only need to move the ball half the bat’s width to take the edge. But this is an old wife’s tale, batsmen play for the movement and try to anticipate it. But the problem when facing Kumble is that you have no time to adjust your shot.

Remember when Ian Bell left a googly, all he could do was twitch as his saw the ball skid into his stumps. When you faced Warne’s googly, everyone saw it coming. But, even if you didn’t, you could adjust at the last moment. But when facing Kumble, batsmen are never completely sure where the ball is going to be.

It is in this marginal space that Kumble occupies: he’s not going to get you with a ripper, but he’s going to constantly probe at your bat’s edge. One ball after another is going to test the precision of your defence, and if you have slightly miscalculated the movement, then it’s game over.

This is why I love Kumble so much. His unswerving brilliance is to examine the techniques of the best batsmen makes for great cricket and enriches the game.

(By the way, the Dead Frog is still there. It has been there for weeks now. Through the rain, storms and hail. I think it is fossilising into the pavement. Unnervingly, though, it has rotated 90 degrees.)

The Ayalac Festival of Spin

Spontaneously, and quite unexpectantly, the cricket blog community has collectively noticed my anniversary and celebrated my greatness with some lovely posts on spin bowling. Thanks chaps.

We're a year old today (ish) so bring on the cake!
First off, King Cricket has written an interesting narrative on his internal struggle to cope with Shane Warne’s greatness.

Jrod, recognising that I had no friends, kindly filled the void by writing no less than four pieces on spin.

• Why the pain of living under Shane Warne’s shadow can be a mixed blessing. No. That’s not true. It’s just rubbish.
• Why some Kenyan I have never heard of is brilliant. A 3-7 against Australia is pretty good, I suppose.
• Why leg spinners are from another planet. “Bishen Bedi probably has his own solar system.”
• Why leg spinners are cool. As if the answer isn’t obvious.

Cricket with Balls is truly a great little blog. More perverts should write about cricket.

Marty, of Cricket=Action=Art, one of the most original and attractive cricket blogs, has contributed three wonderful pictures. One old, another less old and one of a fearsome action of yore. Great stuff.

Samir Chopra, from Eye on Cricket, reveals all in his interview with the great Murali.

Patrick Kidd tells us about his encounter with the mighty Neil Edwards (not, not the Somerset champion; apparently, this one's an accountant).

If anyone has anything they'd like to add, please give me a bell.

Facing spin bowling is a nightmare. It’s much harder to face than facing fast bowling. You have a simple plan when up against a quick: don’t make eye contact and try not to whimper as the bowler approaches the crease. When the ball is delivered, leap backwards and towards leg-side, leaving your bat free to flail widely at the ball. This may allow you to deflect it over the slips, but, if you’re lucky, you’ll nick it to the keeper, enabling you to scuttle to the safety of the pavilion.

Spin bowling, on the other hand, is impossible. Running away is not an option. You simply have to stand there, and helplessly watch the ball spin into your stumps.

Spin bowlers are great. Spin bowling is great. Hurrah for all things rotational!

Update: David from Harrow Drive (yes, the one with the cheesy grin) has offered up a brilliant article on how to bowl like Ray Illingworth. It's full of tips that are actually usual. In that regard, this blog is unique.

Marty from the wonderful cricket=lust=pornography has created another cryptic spinning image. Who could it be?

Sohail Tanvir sees the error of his ways

In a prudent mood, Pakistan’s Sohail Tanvir decided to defect from the dark side and become a spinner.

Usually, as an “alright” left-arm fast-medium pacer, he opens the bowling and concedes lots of runs. But as a spinner, he’s dynamite. (Unfortunately, he didn’t bowl Chinamen, otherwise I would have given birth on the spot.)

Briefing escaping ennui at work, I have analysed his bowling stats:

Bowling boring fast: 21-3-99-1
Bowling amazing spin: 3-0-19-0

If they are not incredible figures, I don’t know what are. Just look at his mighty success as a twirler. This is proof that all bowlers should specialise in spin immediately.

Sadly, for the cricket community, Sohail turned back to the dark side to take the new ball as a quick. Frankly, he got battered once when he attempted pace once again. A lesson to us all.

Spin bowlers: Their hour cometh

There aren’t too my successes in my life. There was that one time the cat sat down on my command. But no one else saw that. And I suspect he was just messing with my mind.

But, on this occasion, we can safely say without doubt that Anil Kumble’s elevation to captain of India is solely down to my tireless campaigning. Don’t worry, I don’t expect any thanks. The smile on your face is my reward, Anil.

Anyway, now that Daniel Vettori is captain of all of New New Safferdom, perhaps it is time that the world finally acknowledges the limitless genius of spin bowlers. It is surprising that the world didn’t realise this before, but a mixture of short-sightedness and stupidity had kept spinners away from their rightful spot: The Top.

Now, we can hope that all international sides appreciate the experience that their twirlers provide and appoint them captains.

There are so many obvious candidates for these positions. England has Monty, Bermuda has Sluggo and Sri Lanka has the enormously experienced Malinga Bandara.

The next stage of this take over would faze medium pacers out of the game. Next would follow the unnecessary and showy fast bowlers. Followed by the specialist batman and finally we would axe the wicket-keepers. Only then would cricket be played as it should be.

Sussex wins, or so it seems

In a championship with so many up-and-downs that most fans felt a little ill by the end of it, Sussex clinched county glory despite Lancashire’s brave efforts.

In a thrilling finale, Lancashire came 25 agonising runs short of an epic run-chase against Surrey, that would have secured them the championship. 489, however, proved just too much for the Northern monkeys, and the championship trophy rightfully remained in the South. Where it belongs.

Saying that, for most of the summer, I was convinced that Yorkshire were going to win. But injuries, international duty and a pie glut saw their hopes fade. Weirdly, as Yorkshire receded, four other teams advanced, with Surrey, Hampshire and even Durham in with a shout.

Nevertheless, the side with the best spin bowler in the country won. And what do we learn from this? Always pack a spin bowler, or at least, as Lancashire have recently learnt when you’ve got one, don’t break it, or let it out of the country.

Even if he looks like an over-weight garden gnome, with the weirdest bowling action since Paul Adams, he must be kept at any costs. Even if it meant bullying out other team members.

Well done everyone in Sussex. I used to live in Sussex. I suppose I should be pleased. But it’s raining, I have a hang-over and I have to go to work. It’s not going to happen.

You’ve got to spin to win

The LV County Championship is certainly coming to a thrilling climax – please don’t try to extract any puns out of that sentence.

Five teams have a realistic possibility of taking the top trophy. The current leaders, Yorkshire, have played one more game than Sussex (second place) and two more than Hampshire (3rd), Lancashire (4th) and Durham (5th).

Yorkshire have only two remaining games, unfortunately for them, they are facing Sussex and Hampshire. So their performance over the next few weeks will determine the outcome of the entire season. Although the call-up of key players into the international twenty20 competition may work in their favour.

It is interesting to note that all the top four teams have a spinner. Not just an ordinary spinner, but a really good one. Mushtaq Ahmed has been causing havoc at Sussex for years; Muttiah Muralitharan leads Lancashire’s attack and Shane Warne does the business for Hampshire. Now that Adil Rashid (Yorkshire’s joint top wicket taker) is plying his trade, Yorkshire are converted from a good county to a championship winning county. Only Durham lack a proper twirler.

Modern county success, at the top level, requires a spinner to give that extra penetration. Rob Key, captain of Kent and international object of desire notes:

“At the start of the season you think, ‘Who’s the best wizard spinner we can find?’ unfortunately, most of the best are signed up. You can’t write off any county that’s got one. On flat pitches it’s tough to outbowl sides like Sussex. We’ve been in good positions but unable to nail the win.”

If you want to win you need to take twenty wickets. Spinners make that task easier; therefore increase you chances of winning. It’s simple. (It’s a pity the England set-up don’t understand that.) You really, really need a spinner. Really.

And when Durham don’t win the Championship, I’ll be the first to point out why.

Thoughts on the India and Bangladesh

The three-match series between India and Bangladesh was disappointing for two reasons. One, the last match was lost to rain. Two, Bangladesh rarely challenged Indian control. India won 2-0.

Aside from one scare, the Indians always looked in charge. Indeed, they felt sufficiently dominant to field some new players. Young Piyush Chawla was given his ODI debut.

This talented leg-spinner has already been given a test cap, and used the opportunity well to take the wicket of Andrew Flintoff. Confident and full of variety, Chawla was entrusted as first-change bowler in the second match, and returned the favour with figures of 3/37 off his ten overs. It turns out, he’s also a useful bat – averaging 24 in first-class cricket.

Normally, I’m not keen on spinners that can bat. But he’s young, a leggie, and can learn to be rubbish at batting in time. And therefore he gets the coveted Ayalac nod.

MS Dhoni was a bit of a revelation. In the first match, he played a sensible, match-winning 91. In the second, a sedate supporting role, hitting 36 off 54. He really has matured since I last saw him, and here was I thinking he was another Shahid Afridi. At 25, Dhoni may be planning a distinguished future as a wicketkeeper-batsman.

Lastly, I’m a bit disenchanted by the Tigers. They scored some runs – but no enough. They got some wickets – but failed to claim the crucial scalps. And there was little Bopping. Bangladesh definitely need some more character to their play if they want to promote out of minnow status.

Bangladesh bop SA

Well, who’d a thought it? “Minnows”, Bangladesh, destroy the world number one team by 67 runs.

This was a cracker of a match: the Tigers’ intensity on the field was only matched by the Proteas suicidal nonchalance. The Bangladeshi fielding was fearsome; every ball was seized upon by some crazy green-clad figure flinging himself at the ground, denying any easy runs. I would like to say that the pressure this created was too much for South Africa, but I feel their lack of effort was the chief cause of their downfall. The feeble SA innings saw two run outs and two caught and bowled. It was as if they couldn’t be bothered to counter the building pressure.

Bangladesh enjoyed the conditions, and with their army of left-arm spinners, they exploited the dry, dusty pitch well. Racing through their overs, at one point I counted 13 dot balls on the trot within about two minutes. Speeding through your overs in this way is an excellent way to intensify the pressure on the batsman, as it hardly gives an opportunity for the striker to examine the field and consider the next ball.

The South Africans seemed lost at sea against the spinners, and totally unable to get on top of them. Only the walking wounded Herschelle Gibbs got the better of them, lofting the spinners for repeated boundaries on his way to a gutsy 56 not out. The commentators made a lot of the SA’s inexperience of facing spin, due to the lack of slow-bowling in the domestic set-up. I really don’t find this argument convincing. South Africa is an international quality team that has played in the sub-continent and enjoyed success against spinners in the past. They simply failed to formulate a team strategy to counter the left-armers, probably because they didn’t take the Bangladeshis seriously.

Nevertheless, full credit to the Tigers. 251 was a superb effort batting first, against a world-class bowling attack of Shaun Pollock, Makhaya Ntini (whose ten overs were dispatched for 61) and the slightly psychotic Andre Nel. Mohammed Ashraful spanked a feisty, and probably match-winning, 87 helping Bangladesh to score 50-odd off the last six overs. A crashing lower-order display in batting the death, after the upper-order had played sensibly to preserve their wickets over the tricky opening overs and power plays underlined a great team endeavour. This mature pacing of their innings was deliberate and made the SA’s floundering performance looked amateur and even desperate in comparison.

Sadly, we didn’t see much dancing in the Tiger’s celebrations. I did, I am ashamed to admit, break out into a spontaneous Bangladesh Bop when the sixth South African wicket fell and it became obvious that the game could not be saved. I was in my dressing gown and wriggling delightedly at the minnow’s success. It’s a good job I don’t have a dog any more, otherwise I would have had some funny looks.

In other news, Ayalac has temporarily lost access to a copy of Photoshop, so there won’t be any pictures for a few days. Sorry. I know it’s depressing, but let’s try and get through this together.

England beat a fat man at his own game

When I looked up the score during the interval, England looked on the ropes. The press’ main theme was “Uninspiring England scrape a score thanks to Jamie Dalrymple’s nurdling”. This morning the headline in the Metro is “England cruise to crushing win”. 22.2 overs is a short time in cricket.

After posting a respectable 286, England blew Bermuda away, scoring 45 all out. Hopefully, our boys got some practice out of it.

There has been a lot of talk of the minnows’ place in the World Cup. I, for one, have not issued a comment on the matter. I will continue this precedent.

However, I would like to note that the Caribbean island has two decent players: David Hemp, who captains Glamorgan and 21-stone Dwayne Leverock who bowls tight left-armers. The latter is now one of my favourites in the international cricket arena – his nickname is “Sluggo”. What a name. What a man. What a spinner.

The rest of them are rubbish.

Obsession with injury

OK – I may not have a great memory,but I don’t remember
cricketers always being a bunch of old crocks. Angus Fraser (champion) used to plug away for years without injury. Alright, that may not be entirely true, but in my unfounded opinion, cricketers are receiving more injuries. There are two schools of thought explaining this development:

1. Geoff Boycottism (They’re all a bunch of girls). This thesis asserts that modern cricketers have become increasingly fragile because of universal use of “shoes” and banning corporal punishment in schools.

2. They’re over-worked. This re-iterates the usual complaint that cricketers play too much cricket.

The reality is probably a mixture of the two. Or probably not. Anyway, here is a list of international players that are either injured or have an injury “scare”.

- Mathew Hayden
- Michael Vaughan
- Herschelle Gibbs
- Justin Kemp
- Jacob Oram
- Andrew Symonds
- Abdul Razzaq
- Brett Lee
- Simon Jones
- Shoaib Akhtar
- Mohammad Asif

I decided to stop at eleven. But it’s enough for a whole team – a pretty good team, now that I look at it. It seems that at any point 5% of the world’s cricketing talent has some sort of injury.

It’s worth noting that none of the above crocks is a spinner. Look at the above picture. Anil Kumble continuing to win matches, despite the major head trauma. What does that tell you about spinners?