England’s incredible global domination continues, much in the style of Genghis Khan, Napoleon or Starbucks

A step up from its previous opponents, England have locked horns with the Tigers. No opposition is as fearsome as horned tigers.

To those of us who have temporary flicked our attention away from the shrieking international cricket schedule, to, you know, take a glance at burning Bangkok, economic meltdown in Europe and impending nuclear war in the Korean Peninsula, the Bangladesh tour has come as a surprise.

It was only five minutes ago that England were wrapping up a famous win against the Aussies. And only seconds ago since we won the T20 World Cup.

But now, England continue metering out punishment to its lesserlings, with 100% English Jonathan Trott putting the Tigers to the elephant gun.

There were a few eager comments regarding Bangladeshis’ ‘promising’ bowlers, in that there were a few balls that were ok. But, let’s be honest. They’re crap.

The tourists nullified England’s foremost threat, Kevin Pietersen, by cleverly giving the ball to the person who bowls left-handed. And, maybe a few more successes might get them back in the game. But generally, its one way traffic, only, less dangerous. Maybe heavy traffic. A no way traffic jam, perhaps.

But, as we England fans can readily impart, there is always hope.

A few more wickets might get the Bangladeshis really going. There is nothing as fearsome as horney tigers.

Trotting in

Unlike other people, we have a lot to say about Jonathan Trott.

Firstly, I went to school with him back in the day. Although, he has radically changed some facial features and has rather improved at cricket.

“Trotty” was always the quiet, weird kid that should have been, but wasn't, bullied for being clever. He escaped The Treatment by using his maths skills to do the bullies’ homework.

I thought he worked as a City Analyst or something, but clearly, he became a South African and now plays for Warwickshire. If you can be bothered, you can read more about him here. I'm very suprised at his career development.

He has done alright. Nothing special, really. Nevertheless, the selectors have ignored his mediocre background and thrown him into the England one-day side. He might be the team mascot.

Nominally, he was preferred over Ian Bell, as far as Warwickshire was concerned, in a recent Friends’ semi-final. This move was widely derided, and considered suicidal.

He hits out now and then, but I don’t think an average of 39 at county level is incredible, frankly. Probably will be picked for the squad, bum around with the team and forgotten forever. Not sure if he warrants a thumbs up; it’s not looking likely.

Anyway, the most amazing thing about him is that he is related to Harry and Albert Trott – Australian crickets at the turn of the century. As you can see from the picture, Berty certainly knew how to bat. Just look at this shot. Both feet in the air, like a leaping ninja, with a high, Brian Lara-like blade poised to smash the hell out of the on-coming delivery. You just don't see people older than six play that shot. Terrifying.

All this whirling action contained within a spotless wholly jumper. If Jonathan Trott plays any of these shots for England, and especially if he wears a knitted jumper, then he’ll definitely earn the Ayalac thumbs up.