Wednesday, October 29, 2008

England beaten by huge margin at the hands of stars

According to AYALAC’s refined methodology of re-weighting a team’s score by using irrelevant criteria, England lost to the star-peppered Trinidad and Tobago yesterday.

And by buggery did they lose big.

D. Charlton asked a cutting question recently (it was, I admit, hard to find sense in a fog of misguided comments). He asked:

“How many runs to England need to score to beat T&T tonight - before a ball is bowled?”

Well, let’s see. T&T’s land area is 1,980 square miles, and, as we saw yesterday, England is 50,351 square miles.

So, by my reckoning, the first ball of the match needed to be a no-ball, from which, England would proceed to run a relative modest 3,335 over-throws.

After achieving this, only then could England consider winning.

But, once again, our boys in whatever colour it is their advertisers have chosen for them these days, have failed us. And failed us bad.

By my recalibrated understanding of “the rules” England lost by 3,499 runs. Once again, not only did the opposition manage to chase down England’s total of 141 after just two balls, but they proceeded to put on a sensational show of hitting just to entertain the crowd and certain deluded parts of my mind.

What a victory by the young men from two islands whose names both begin with the letter “T” – what are the chances of that! After such a strurpling win under their belts, success, wealth and many, many women will surely come their way.

For England (and a small, rubbishy part of South Africa) this day will live in infamy. INFAMY.

11 comments:

D Charlton said...

My thanks!

prbass said...

I was initially troubled by this new fairer method of scoring. Surely population is more important than land area?

Alas, no. I realize that what is important is the available space for cricket pitches. After all, you only need 8 men and 3 Saffas to make a cricket team.

This is the only scoring system which recognizes the sheer and utter rubbishness of Australian cricket.

With a land area of 2,988,902sq miles, if the match was scored properly, they will never win another cricket match.

SixSixEight said...

So does this mean that the mighty US will never win - ever?

Twatford should give up right now!

Jrod said...

TnT win because they have a legspinner, who opens the bowling, all other methods are inaccurate.

Ceci said...

Plus T and T have a captain who is on the same level of cool (but with less bling) than Chris Gayle

Dave said...

This new scoring method doesn't bode well for Chinese cricket, does it?

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Swapnil Shukla said...

Where are u mate?? seems like you have gone silent after Stanford. What'll yo do when a first class team of Evil Indian makes England crawl???

Anyways hope we have a gripping series - All the best...

One thing we dont want is another one sided affair like Australia :)

Feels nice to be on top - Now I really envy the aussies of pre ponting era :)

damiths said...

Forget TnT try beating Mumbai first!

Oh the misery mate!!

How about a link swap btw
http://www.theflyslip.net/

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