Thursday, March 06, 2008

England do loop-the-loop

You see, when you perform above aeronautical manoeuvre you don’t really go anyway, do you? And this effect is happening to England.

In any case, as I’m currently unemployed I like to spend my afternoons communing with nature on the beach. Today, there seemed to be an air-display. A rich mixture of noisy star-bursts and tightly choreographed buggering about in planes. Here’s a picture for your viewing pleasure.

England’s bowlers are rubbish. It’s difficult to say who’s worse. Steven Harmison usually puts his hand up for this position, but yesterday Matthew Hoggard had a rare off-day.

He bowled 26 laboured overs, resulting in 122 runs and only one wicket. People say he’s out of practice, but this is only making excuses. We expect more from you Hoggy, especially as you are so keen to become captain.

Harmison still delivers like a pizza take-away’s bazzed up teenager. No, you can’t have a bloody tip. YOU WILL GET TIPS WHEN THE PIZZA IS WARM.

That’s what they should say to Harmy. That and “fuck off”.

Ross Taylor? Who the flip is Ross Taylor? Has he promoted himself from presenting day-time television or something? How the hell can this goon score a century off the side that is aiming to beat Australia?

Right.

Who else am I angry at?

Oh, all of them, I suppose. I didn’t get any sleep because I was listening to those jokes arse around on a field. Then they made me wake up at four in the morning. The bastards. Then they made the video recording of the air-show rubbish. Stop me if I’m sounding too much like Suave.

Everything is their fault.

7 comments:

miriam said...

Re Ross Taylor:I liked it when Malinga was bowling to him in the world cup, and it was play-and-a-miss, play-and-a-miss for ages. When he eventually made contact the crowd cheered and he raised his bat.

Suave said...

That's angry!!

And I've been so peaceful of late.

The toothache I have now, and the fact that I've slept on a cramped sofa for two nights, means the rage does appear to be on it's way back.

But you're right. They are all bastards.

Astrid said...

So disenchanted, so young. Imagine what you'll be like in 30 years. Your cynicism might drive you to a murderous rampage, because I can't ever imagine your team getting better... can you? Just imagine it, go on, get a good mental picture, just as crap in 30 years. Oh yeah.

Straight Point said...

its only first test of a series...you will get more chances...

so don't use all your anger so early mate...

Rob said...

Yep I agree, out bowlers are just rubbish. How can NZ bowlers look more effective? Scary. How on earth could we let someone like Taylor get a score, he was well out of his depth against SA.

http://cricket-forever.blogspot.com

The Atheist said...

astrid, there is something prophetically depressing about your comments. Although, in fairness, England were equally rubbish 30 years ago. I think we like it that way, really.

We need to drown our sorrows. To the pub!

Miss Field said...

We need to drown our sorrows. To the pub!

I suspect this is part of the problem, the cricket team took it all a bit literally, 30 years ago, now, 30 years from now.

Maybe you could blog us a rampage warning, if the time ever comes. I'll stay clear.