Australia: the new England

Australia have lost. Rejoice! Rejoice!

Once again, they were dispatched with ease in another final. A sensibly numbered three-match final failed to reach the final game, such was Australia’s incompetence.

Leading commentator Barrie Fnugg (affectionately known to millions as “Fnuggy”) summed up the Ausslers performance:

“Bugger m’dingos! That was appalling. I’m so angry! It makes me forget my bewildering territorial rivalries and strange fascination for watered down beer. That was….that was like watching England.”

Although this parallel was noted by many spectators, most observed that England rarely reach the finals of any non-pub-related sport, and don’t have any players that are considered good.

The chief actor (or, as some would say, “architect”) of India’s victory over Australian was young Sachin Tendulkar. He thwonked his way to 117 to see India home in the first final (oxymoron? Or just moronic?) and bladdered 91 further runs in the final final.

If I was Indian, I would hunt him down and worship his toes, kidneys and knees. Although if he fails, I’ll be out with the effigies like a shot.

The Indians bowled well as a unit throughout the tournament, with four bowlers taking more than nine wickets each. In this match, another architect of India’s victory (perhaps “sub-contractor”?) was Praveen Kumar who took 4 wickets and bowled well at the nervy death.

The most gratifying fact is Ricky Ponting’s inability to play any form of cricket. In the ten ODIs he has played in 2008, he has averaged under 20. Leading analysts have categorised this development as “hilarious”.

So, there’s more pictures of Indians with trophies. If they continue at this rate, they might topple the Australians as “Number One Target For Jealousy and Unreasonable Abuse.”

That’s enough of words in parenthesis for one day, I think. Well done Sachin, the principal design engineer of modern Indian success. And the rest of your hangers-on.