Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Official AYALAC line on those Indian leagues

Be warned, this post is angry.

Right, the Indian Premier League (IPL) is rubbish. Let’s get that cleared out of the way. I have kept quiet on these twenty20 competitions because I don’t like twenty20. But now is the time for the noisy minority to speak out.

First came the Indian Cricket League - a rubbishy enterprise that sought to make lots of money from has-been or never-will-be cricketers. “Oh! That’s a terrible idea!” moaned the BCCI, “You’ll ruin cricket.”

But then they saw how much money could be made, and then they thought, “Bugger cricket! Let’s go for the money.”

Of course, this is a perfectly reasonable thought, if you are in a position to realise it, selling out for cash is always a good idea. However, I am not, so I think it’s a rubbish thought.

Now, the BCCI has decided that its raison d'etre is to make money, it is acting like any monopolistic firm would: it is clamping down on its competitors to maximise profits.

You might argue that the world cricket boards are behaving in an oligopolistic fashion – a small number of firms acting as a cartel to control the market. But you would be wrong; damn wrong.

The BCCI is the Big Daddy of the cricketing world, if Daddy wants other boards to ban players for playing in an unsanctioned league, then Daddy gets.

It is at this point that the analogy of sensible mechanisms of a free markets break down. Players are workers (bear with me) just like us; they sell their labour for money. Nothing wrong with that.

In any normal market, you apply to different firms, see who can offer you the most. Oh no, not in the BCCI’s market. The Daddy doesn’t want players to chose. Daddy wants them to be his bitches. AND WHAT DADDY WANTS, DADDY GETS.

Because Daddy wants a piece of the action, the other boards are struggling to pussy-foot their domestic schedules around Daddy. The IPL, generally, does not impact upon many other leagues – all except England’s, of course.

The early season of the English county championship overlaps with the IPL, so some of our more exciting players will be tempted away to the sub-continent. Even touring Kiwis are requesting permission to bugger off.

What that’s, little one-legged, orphan-boy, Jimmy? You want to watch your favourite, Dimitri Mascarenhas play at Hampshire this season? You’ll be saving up for ages for that ticket?

Well tough totty. DADDY WANTS DIMITRI MASCARENHAS.

The worst thing about this whole endeavour is that no-one knows why they are doing it.

The IPL bases itself around English football’s Premier League – the most soulless of all the football leagues. People come from all over the world to play in places like Middlesborough. Adoring fan attempt to scream unprenouceable names as if the centre forward from Burkina Faso was actually their mate Pete who works in the chip shop.

They don’t care they. As long as “their” side wins. They recognise money is necessary for this – everyone else has money, right?

Ah. That’s why we’re doing this. Money. Of course. How incredibly stupid of me. Money is important to have in the game, isn’t it?

Just look at England, historically loaded with government grant after government grant, and look how wisely they have spent it. Look how good our team is.

What! Am I suggesting that there is no evidence that shows that money has improved the game? Surely not! The administrators tell us without money the game would die. If the kiddies playing in the street weren’t sponsored by Arse Ltd., they would literally put down their bats and play golf. Literally.

It’s odd to think how India won the World Cup in 1983, when its Board wasn’t nearly as rich as it is now. Must have been a fluke. Cricket wasn’t as good as it is now. That’s FACT. Just look at the money involved.

Bollocks to you IPL. Bollocks to you twenty20. Bollocks to you BCCI. Bollocks to the cricket administrators. Bollocks to the lot of you.

Right. Well, lets lighten the mood, shall we? (Well done on getting this far.) On a happier note, King Cricket has grown up, and put into print. That’s right, paper!

When you thinking you’re doing OK as a blogger, someone like JRod comes along, and blogs his way into the annuals of legendary bloggers overnight. His excellent site has just started a new podcast series. Well worth a listen to.

Those blogs are happy places.

14 comments:

John said...

Damn right. But since what they're doing is clearly illegal, it wont last too long. Will be struck down, surely, by courts in India or England or NZ.

Miss Field said...

You're a very articulate angry person.

Would you like to set up an IPL team with me?

The Atheist said...

I was going to mention the legal implications, John, but decided to shout and swear instead.

Miss Field, I would be delighted to set up an IPL team with you. It will make me fabulously wealthy, won't it?

Miss Field said...

Indeed, an irresistible prospect.

You have to design the logo though. And I'll write a theme song for them. We need an uber-cool name as well.

King Cricket said...

If you can find 11 men who bowl left-arm chinamen, I'm in too.

The Atheist said...

How about the "Bloggers' Beasts"?

KC, I would go to see any side, at any level, in any country that had the line-up you described.

Miss Field said...

Bloggers' Beasts is good, but we do need an adjective as good as 'super'.

Bloggers' Big Shot Beasts
Bloggers' Boss Beasts
Bloggers' Breathtaking Beasts

Hmm. And the logo could involve a beast blogging. A big beast. Man, they'll be wishing they thought of this stuff. This is gold.

The Atheist said...

Oh, you know we're breath-taking.

Martyd said...

When you've got the team name sorted can I design the uniforms? Perhaps something in an Aubergine?

Anonymous said...

ibmvug

Straight Point said...

this is the irony atheist...everybody hates IPL but wants to be part of it...

Miss Field said...

What does ibmvug mean?

Martyd, aubergine sounds like the perfect colour for the Bloggers' Breathtaking Beasts. We can't afford to pay you (he makes millions from his viddy blogs and I'm left in the cold) as yet, so you'll be working for the greater good of cricket, and infamy of course.

The ironing is delicious!

The Atheist said...

Sounds very cool.

Jrod said...

the bloggers log?