Players want their cake and rights over the sprinkles

As I waiting for my hair to be cut, I flicked over today’s copy of the Mirror. A paper that I am not familiar with, although, to takes approximately thirty seconds to get a comprehensive appreciation of the world according to the Red Top. With the inexorable flick to the back pages, I found an intriguing cricket story.

Stuart Broad delivered a Broadside to the England management regarding his unfair resting during the tests against Bangladesh. He spent two weeks of intensive strength and fitness building instead. About this he was annoyed.

Apparently, James Anderson was also “angry” at being left out on the world cup.

And my barber’s face was fixated into a so concentrated it looked comically angry, I mulled over the English player’s moans. It didn’t seem so long ago that English boys were whining about too much cricket.

Now that the ECB took the logical course of action by resting players against weak opposition, The players aren’t happy about this. They want to play in all games.

Case in point: virtually no one wants another ridiculous series against Australia. (When was the last time we played Sri Lanka?) And the players are expressing doubt.

But none of them want to be “rested”. Ideally, we’d all like less cricket played. But, that’s not possible for the foreseeable solution. So what other solution is available?

Cricket: now the Australians are doing it

The English and German cricket seasons are at an end. This is obviously very sad.

But it’s ok, because the international season is taking over. So, for fans of the County Championship, it’s more of the same: Australians battering seven shades of sauerkraut out of everyone else.

Apparently, they’re going to play India again. The reason for this is nothing to do with money. India is an uncorrupted country, still battling for the purity of the game.

The Australians are just along for the ride.

So, obviously this serious is too close to the last one. The sides are more of less unchanged. Although, the Indians are taking some forward steps by picking Sourav Ganguly – known to the world as Mr Giggles.

Australian coach and chief book-maker, Dringo Wallaroorodger, was over-heard to say,

“We’re playing these bastards again. Oh Christ, what do they think we are? Trained apes?”

Of course this is going to be a disappointment. Remember the Ashes after 2005? That was a right proper rubbish series. The Australian were just a push over.

Australians moving to England

The tour details of Australia’s tour to England in 2009 have been announced. They arrive in May and depart in late September.

That’s four months. They’re probably going to claim squatters’ rights. Well, I suppose that’s only fair, seeing as that’s how we claimed Australia in the first place.

The administrators, displaying how hip and “wiv it” they are, decided to pack the tour with seven one day internationals. Yes, remember those? Fifty over cricket was what our granddads used to play, before Bollywood took over the sport.

I used to think that five-match ODI series were too long. Then seven became the norm. Then everyone decided to hate fifty-over cricket.

All except for bureaucrats in Australia and England. They think everyone else are bastards, and are going to stick it to ‘em with as many tediously drawn out out-moded competitions as possible.

In fairness, ruling out tyrannical self-indulgence, if I ran these sorts of things I would do it in the same way: aim to piss everyone else just so I can bellow with malevolent amusement.

They’ve also decided to give the Welshies a test match. Also, Hampshirians, a county so non-descript that its residents have no name (except for Southampton folk, who are affectionately known as “scummers” bless ‘em) have been awarded a test match as well.

It’s sad that Trent Bridge doesn’t have a test. I can only assume that this is because their ground is “too good” and not at all in Cardiff.

The tourists play only one four-day match against a county side. Rain will probably reduce this to a two day match. Meaning that Australia’s preparation is pathetically short.

Having said that, the Aussies won’t need much practice before playing against the pathetically short Englanders. But, it’s the thought that counts; at least pretend you take the opposition seriously.

That’s all we ask.

We can take repeated humiliations and spineless slumps. We’re used to it. Just say that you think we’re "not to be underestimated” or something and the English nation will be happy enough.

You can take our dignity. But please don’t take our pride.

Or is it the other way around?

Super Tuesday

Today isn’t a normal Tuesday. No. It’s Super Tuesday.

Today we find out how tolerant the USA is. And whether a young Irishman named Bearach O’Bama can reach the highest levels of American politics.

I am distracting you, of course, from one of the many limited overs matches in the England-New Zealand series. England begun their campaign today, on Super Tuesday, in Auckland in the first twenty-20 match.

I’m trying not to sound bored by the whole thing, I really am.

England managed a hearty 184 for eight in their twenty overs and, at the moment, the Kiwis are 94 for seven and destined for near-certain defeat. KP whacked 43 off 23; Ryan Hairybottom has taken 2-12, including the wickets of captain-keeper Brenda McCullum and LRPL Taylor.

But England are making it so hard to care these days. Or perhaps it’s the ICC. This is the first of two twenty-20 matches, which are part of limited overs series spanning seven matches.

I can sort of understand this excessive number against a proper side, like India, but New Zealand? The land where sheep out-number people 16 to one? What are they thinking?

So, I’ll be doing my usual thing of keeping a vague eye on the one-dayers, but saving up my hopeful praying to the English gods of Desperate Draws and Barrel-Scraping Wins.

Compare this to the recently started Six Nations rugby union championship. We haven’t seen England lose since months ago, but watching them lose again this weekend was a nostalgic and rewarding experience. It was fun, if depressing. Why? Because international rugby matches are rare, and that makes them special.

I know King Cricket has made the same point before, and I know I have referred to that fact before. There are just as many “too much cricket – moan moan moan” posts as one-day internationals.

Australias look at Indians and laugh

In a seemingly relentless barrage of international matches, one blogger picks a game at random and tries to talk about it. Will this blogger make a stand? Well, momentarily.

I did wonder why so many people were complaining about the length of the World Cup. I thought that it was great. It is a WORLD Cup. It should be massive. Like the world.

But this dizzying torrent of ODIs overwhelms even the most fanatical of fans.

Take the England team, for example. After a seven match series against India, they had approximately a day’s rest before heading over to SA for the twenty20 fiasco. A day after this was completed, England’s finest shot off to Sri Lanka to receive another hiding.

Obviously, this constant battering leaves no window to breath, or even hope. It is a continuum of pain, with only a Zimbabwe for rest-bite.

I vaguely remember kingcricket moaning about the specialness of test cricket being removed through over-familiarity. I endorse these sentiments, and suggest they are equally applicable to all areas of international cricket. But it's especially applicable to England, who just lose all the time.

Anyway, moaning aside. Australia won another game. All Indians, except MS Dhoni, crumbled like an under-educated girl in a stock broker’s office. India: pull your socks off. The Aussies must be defeated.