Somerset prepare to crush Surrey like the hopes of a little girl in a hope-crushing factory

There were some rankings a while ago. It compared places in the world. Somerset came out tops; Surrey was at the bottom.

Most other places were somewhere in between. Take Austria, for instance, the most in between place in the world.

The statistical superiority of the West Country County was re-asserting itself at the Whitgift School in Croydon (this is another in-between place, but not as in between as Austria as it has an Ikea).

Surrey started well by scoring runs. Then they started to fail as they let Somerset do likewise.

The Somersetians began brightly, with a beefy 40 by Neil Edwards. And then the icing was put on the cocaine when Justin Langer and a slim-lined Ian Blackwell each scored centuries.

Last season, I tipped Edwards for great things. Mainly because he permanently looks like he’s just eaten your kitten, but is going to keep it secret. But also, he’s like a fantasy replacement for Marcus Trescothick: a big, pinch-hitting Cornishman.

But he, more or less, failed me too.

Talking of failure, let’s have a look at Surrey’s second innings. The failure is spread thick as my Uncle Frederica’s homemade marmalade on his homemade stale bread.

At stumps, they’re 172/7, and leading by 52. This deserves a belly laugh. Ho ho ho. They’re doomed. DOOOOMED.

After we have dispatched the weakling Surrey Rahs, the Championship will be ours. OURS!

[I have to be in Kent next week. Boring work stuff, I'm afraid. So I might not be able to update this site. I'll be back, though. Promise.]

Sussex vs Surrey: A bloody farce

It seems hard to write about something which is neither tennis or a Tour de France. *sigh*

But I suppose I must.

Another twenty20 match reached “frankly stupid” status last night. Rain and fanny around caused a match at the Oval to be reduced to five overs each.

The match decided who was to go forward into the Twenty20 Cup quarter-finals. Sussex managed to beat Surrey by five whole runs.

Chris Adams, Sussex captain, described the conditions as “diabolical”.The rain fell, the light was atrocious, but the cricket continued. Adams again:

"It was the right decision to go out and play cricket. We have created this game, the public love it and we have to give them something to see."

I’m not sure I would have “loved it” if I were in the 10’000 crowd. Seeing 10 bloody overs and a bit of drizzle does not make for an over-exuberance evening. It’s crap. That’s what it is.

I have a lot to say about twenty20. You may have heard it all before. But I think that episodes like this don’t do many favours for the game. Administrative cock-ups, desperately piss-poor and unsatisfactory games are not sustainable in the long term, and do not improve the reputation of cricket. They're just a shambles.

Ah well.

More run madness.

Surrey scored 496-4 against Gloucestshire in a Friends Provident Trophy to set a new world-record for a score in a 50-over match. The innings beat the previous high of 443 set by Sri Lanka in 2006.

Clearly, the Oval is a belter this year. But this “successful batting” business is troubling me. I worried about the ECB explicitly pursuing a pro-batsman line. I just hope this doesn’t go too far. Have pity for the poor bowlers.

Anyway, maligned Spinner, Chris Schofield took three wickets. Which was good. But not as good as Ali Brown’s 176 off 97 balls, with 20 fours and 8 sixes. A-mazing.