Surprisingly interesting results in Caribbean

I have been avoiding the Sri Lanka tour in the West Indies because I’m generally parochial and self-obsessed, but a match so exciting has come along it has forced us to consider something that isn’t me.

A tough ask, you might think, but this was genuinely a great match. Normally, ODIs that reach the last five overs of the second innings are classified as a “thriller”; those that reach the final over are “tense thrillers.” I’m not sure what you call this match, because it was won on the very last ball.

Maybe a “super thriller” or “thiller thriller”. You know its thriller, thriller night.Youre fighting for your life inside of killer, thriller tonight.

Our hero, our champion, our chief of the crabs, saw the Windes home with 63 from 63 balls. Chris Gayle also scored a captainly half century.

Plaudits also go to Chamara Kapugedera, who I thought was just some guy, you know, but turns out to be an aggressive and effective hitter of the nasty old women in the street with a stick mold. OK – she doesn’t look much, but you don’t want to get in the way of that lashing walking stick of death.

Is fifty over cricket the new twenty20? Of course it is. It’ll happen all over again with the IPL in a few years. Mark my words, sunny jim.

Eating cricket

Thank the gods that’s over with.

The worst thing about Christmas is the lingering feeling of guilt. Yes Mum, I know we have barely spoken and I have been a terrible son to you for a year, but let me make it up by chopping some carrots. What’s that? I’m making an awful job of it? Maybe I can help you most by sitting in front of the telly? Oh, Finding Nemo is on.

Then, once your annual offspringly duties are fulfilled, you can happily retreat to your seat and continue with your quiet experiment: Can Bailey’s Get You Drunk?

Anyway, it is reassuring to discover that it is possible to engage in physical activity immediately after Christmas. The Australians, proving their super-human powers, are cracking on with a test match on Boxing Day, no less.

Now, I have seen Matthew Hayden. He has splodged himself on my television screen many a time. He is not a man to say no to that extra mince pie. Not only can he brush away those chocolate wrappers from about his person and manage to lift himself out of his armchair, but he can even go out-side and stand at some wickets. I have heard rumours that he’s even running from one wicket to another, some 22 yards away. These are obvious lies.

This doesn’t surprise me. There is a lot of lying around the festive period. Like, “Aunty Jane, how lovely to see you” or “Father Christmas is going to get you something nice.” You just have to get used to it.

Wonderfully, Shivnarine Chanderpaul has scored a century to put the West Indies in a strong position against South Africa. This is great news. I like Chanders. If he does something half decent in the next innings, we might have a change of God.

Not only does he more or less single-handedly prop out the Windies line-up, but he grinds the opposition down with his remorselessly weird shots. And lo! I rejoice with much happiness.

It is a joy akin to discovering that, after much dedication and patience, not only is it possible to inebriate using Bailey’s, but its effects are pleasingly similar to acid. Although, it does rather make your family nervous about next Christmas, when one of their kin locks himself into the bathroom for a few hours to stare at the “really cool” patterns on the soap dish.

League of Nations win Friends Provident Trophy

After a collapse brought about by fascist military action, the League of Nations withdrew from world politics in 1939 and started playing cricket in the North East of England.

Eventually, they gained promotion into the first class leagues in 1992. Although they struggled at first, they have confirmed their fruition into a high-quality team by winning their first major trophy.

Their victory was notable for the performances of the delegate from the Bahamas, who won the man of the match award after taking two wickets in his first two balls. The batting attack was lead by the representative from Guyana, pictured playing a classically weird shot, who scored 78.

The South African delegation, and club captain, said:

"The club has put in a lot of hard work and we've a perfect blend of youngsters
and good experienced players. It depicted the way we have played all season,
everyone contributed and that's why we have won the trophy."

This marks a triumph for the League of Nations, as well as a coup for
internationalism over petty, jingoistic concerns that often dominant the
domestic cricket scene.

Test match cricket is great

What a high-quality end to a game that has been a little frail around the edges.

Viv Richards thought the second day’s play was the worst he’d ever seen in test match cricket. But the enthralling developments towards in the second innings produced an absolute cracker.

In fairness, this was mainly due to England’s wayward bowling. Although Steve Harmison seems to be pulling himself together, only Monty Panesar looked like finishing the Windies off. However, the boys in red took the fight to England, and really knuckled down.

Unfortunately, their bowling didn’t reflect this toughness. They leaked 77 extras in England’s innings, and gave away lord knows how many runs in misfields. Coupled with the numerous drop catches and dodgy umpiring decisions, this game could have been a lot closer.

Secretly, I wanted them to win. Shivnarine Chanderpaul’s typically gritty 116 not out off 257 was a splendid effort. If he had one more competent tailender then he could have taken his side home, and his innings would have been one of the all-time greats. Sadly, it was not to be.

Cricket has this great capacity for making heroes out of those who may not have the ability, but put their all into the moment. A stodgy, stubborn knock by a tail-ender could have been the decisive innings of the match. Test match cricket has the faculty of drawing out greatness from good players, and Chanderpaul excelled in this arena. Even Panesar filled his boots. A top quality match.

In other news, Aleem Dar had evidently been pondering the question I posed yesterday, by having a few words with Monty about his over-keen appealing. A fair comment and exactly the sort of way that the player-umpire relationship should be managed. You don’t really need this technology malarkey, or a Daryl Hair-like aggressive adhesion to the rules. Just a couple of blokes that can rub along well and enjoy the cricket.

West Indies recover some pride

The Windian batsman showed a lot of character, to end yesterday’s play on 301 for 5. Shivnarine Chanderpaul led the way with 81, with solid support from the middle order.

Everyone thought that Brian Lara was the West Indies’ best player. This may have been right. However, my favourite was always Chanderpaul. Mainly because everything about him is a bit weird. You watch him in the out-field; he’s not quite all there, is he?

His crabby batting stance and his barely co-ordinated movements exude incompetence. It’s a wonder he manages to hit the ball at all sometimes. But Chanders is a genius. A weird genius.

He works for his runs. He nurdles, nudges and weirds runs out of the bowling. What was most noticeable out of yesterday’s innings was his stunning ability to time the ball so well. Lara, with his high backlift, was all about power, over-awing the opposition. Chanderpaul quietly accumulates singles, and occasionally extends himself and sweetly timing stray deliveries to the boundary.

Just look at the shot in the picture. Getting well underneath the ball, he deliberately edges a sneaky single to fine leg. All without looking at the ball. That’s talent.

Regular readers may have noticed that I have a soft spot for the steady battlers, the boring batsman, but they will also know that I an affection for spinners. My champions excelled yesterday.

Monty Panesar once again betrayed the one-dimensional nature of England’s attack. With Steve Harmison still inconsistent, the refusal of the ball to swing for Ryan Sidebottom and Liam Plunkett’s amateurism, I would rather fancy the Windies’ chances of chasing down the 400.

Monty, however, generated his own pressure, and constantly threatened the batsman with spin and bounce. However, I rather think his enthusiasm got the better of him at some points, putting the umpire under a lot of pressure.

English fans used to oppose this rather vulgar element to the game that originated overseas. It’s as if you actually want to win, which is, of course, a base objective. Now the intimidation of the umpire is creeping into the English game, I think that the ECB should try to nip it in the bud. Maybe limit appeals to two an over – but even this seems a lot. Tricky one, that.

I’ll try and think of an answer. If I do, you’ll be the first to know.