Laugh at the Australians and their hopeless spinners

AH AHAHAHA

This rotational Antipodean incompetence brings back warm jolly memories.

Australians are absolutely, totally, comprehensively, hilariously useless at spinning. That their best spinners are part timers - one a Somerset lad, another a bloke more interested in fishing than cricket - only adds to international mirth.

Of course there’s a lot of joyous Schadenfreude to be had in their Sheisse bowlers. Naturally, it doesn’t matter how terrible their players are, the Australians will always win anyway.

Right. Let’s rate the Ozzies’ finest:

Bryce McGain – the sum total age of his body parts is equal to that of the Black Forest. He’s injured at the moment. I haven’t confirmed that this is his current status, but his permanent condition is of some degree of invalidity.

Jason Krejza – Not only does this bloke have a rock ‘n roll name, but viewing his stats is like ascending a stairway to heaven. That is, if heaven is full of massive spinner-bludgeoning titans. In a word: HA! In more: AAAAHAHAHAHAAH!

Now we come to the real snorters:

Cameron Biscuit - Originally from the Clark’s Village in Street, this Somerset lad turned evil, and joined the dark side. And then, after leaving Gloucestershire, he hooked up with the Ozzies. Whilst he played in the English county leagues, he topped the averages of spinners that weren’t Mushtaq Ahmed.

Andrew Brummie - Another Turn-Coat, this man has, for some reason, put countless world attacks to the sword. How this is, I’m not sure. Worse still, he’s a spinner that sometimes bowls medium pace. What sort of monster this thing is, I’m not sure. But, I suppose this strange ogre is from Birmingham. So, I suppose it sort of makes sense. Ewwwww.

Anyway, the point is this:

Laugh and jeer at the Australians. Do it now. Do it before they grind your side into the dust with their feckless bowlers.

Roy defects to England

AYALAC has exclusively heard that Andrew Symonds is considering changing allegiances and fielding in England blues.

Symonds has struggled at test level, in an age of batting supremacy an average of 34 is not good enough. Moreover, his options with the ball, in the extended version of the game, do not provide the all-round package that Australia are searching for. Averaging over 40 with the ball is akin to a part-timer.

My sources inform me that Symonds “had it out” with senior members of Australia’s management, and even after a reasonably successful run in the team, it is doubtful that he has a long-term future with them.

Being English-born and familiar with the domestic set-up, Symonds’ first thoughts moved to England. He is quoted to have said,

“Ultimately, as a sportsman, you want to perform at the highest level. Sustaining yourself and performing well at test match level is the goal of ever player. And to achieve this, I might have to consider some radical life-changes.”

“Roy” has once rejected the advances of England selectors, but poor form and bad weather is thought to have changed his mind.

Roy informs me that,

“I’m thinking of settling down in another country, you know, one with sunshine and stuff. Plus, I’m probably not good enough to stay playing for Australia for long. Which can only mean one thing, really, you know?”

Yes we do, Andrew. Yes we do.