Monday, July 13, 2009

The whinge offensive

Ricky Ponting has proven himself to be an innovative and resourceful captain when the chips are down. When your opponents are resisting you or impudently winning even, then there are a number of strategies that you can deploy. Ponting likes to whine like a girl when the going gets tough. In moments of stress, the Australian captain uncorks his trusty spirit of the game, and force feeds it to his gagging opponents.

Most observers of the game are surprised at Ricky “Munter” Ponting’s sudden attachment to the “spirit”. But it’s a little known fact that he keeps his spirit in his little rodent familiar: Spunky the magic squirrel that lives in his jock-strap.

When Ponting as busy abusive opponents and mouthing them off through the media, he was soothing and stroking his little chap with kind words for his friends in the other team.

All was revealed in the recent test match.

The most wonderful aspect of this game, forget your confident Australian centuries, played to test match perfection, forget your Kevin Pietersen shit mong strokes, forget the epic bravery of the last wicket stand, in fact, forget the cricket. For true glory, I refer you to Munting’s post-match whinge offensive:

“I don't think that was required. I am not sure what the physio was doing out there - I didn't see him call for any physio. I'm sure others will take it up with the England hierarchy as they should.

But they can play whatever way they want to play. We came to play by the rules and the spirit of the game, it’s up to them to do what they want to do.

I won’t be saying anything about it.”

Of course he won’t. He’s not for throwing his toys out of the pram.

Ponting planted his feet in the middle of the pitch, faced the Englanders, unzipped his trousers, released his little friend and let Spunky run wild all over the opposition.

He’s not alone. Michael Hussey has proved his worth on the tour, by brown nosing his captain,

“England’s antics in sending out the physio and 12th man got up our noses a bit and Ricky Ponting certainly let them know it. It’s a shame they had to resort to that.”

The Australians have a plan.


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Johnnie said...

Yeah, what Matthew said.