Monday, December 15, 2008

Oh my deary god

Admit it. The only thing you were looking forward to was gloating over Aussies. That’s all you wanted, some small, pathetic slice of Schadenfreude.

You were going to laugh and laugh, and tell the Aussies what feeble worms they were, and that England was the mighty Crow which was going to devour them up come next Ashes.

But all we can do is crow now. Remember, England are a lame, useless, indecisive, unconvincing, dull, predictable, mediocre, ordinary, borderline incompetent bunch of disabled earth grubs who are incapable of rolling down a hill.

England is a small country. But somehow, there is so much to be angry about.

Of course, this is a total disaster, akin to Black Monday, the Battle of Balaklava and the birth of Russell Brand.

The problem England have, at the moment, is that their opponents are better than them. Looking at India’s line up, if you roll them over in the first innings, the law of averages dictate that they’re going to compensate with a legendary effort in the second.

And that they did. Fourth highest run-chase in Asian history, and with six wickets to spare. That old geriatric whose eyes have gone, Old Farther Sachin, fluked a century.

It is important to remind yourself how good this was. Not only were records broken in the fourth innings, but on the last day of a wearing pitch that had shown as much consistency as the German Ministry of Finance.

The bowling of Andrew Flintoff and Monty Panesar is class. And, with England’s new super-weapon, Greame Swanpy, the Indians looked doomed.

But this mega-line-up of nearly, but not quite, dead one-man myths breezed through England’s cream as if it were spread across a thick layer of easy jam upon the Scone of Effortlessness.

Although, that’s not to take anything away from England.

They’re still nothing to me. How can so much anger, by so many, owed to so few?

On happier times, I walked out of my Berlin apartment on Saturday. This is what I saw:


Tarun said...

The greatric Sachin is the most consistent fluke century maker in the history of the game.
Greame Swann a super-weapon?

I bet Sehwag will cream him all over over come the second test.

Sehwag the booster propelled to victory

Anonymous said...

At least the next test is in Mohali, gets rather nippy there (by Indian standards) at this time of year. Should be about the same as playing in Brighton. Barring a clusterfuck of epic proportions, England has a chance of stealing at least one on this tour.

Raoul said...

Deary God?
Are you losing your lack of faith, O atheist?

Smart Alec said...


Or rather gaining it!!

Damith S. said...

Tendul did it on the final day but God Sehwag, preacher of Sehwagalogy was the man who set that up. It would have been near impossible without that seething attack on the English bowlers on day 4