Weird Food

Whilst some people might be distracted by juvenile competitions between minnow pretenders, the real title for the international cricketing crown is being decided in the Western hemisphere – commonly known as the “right, if left a bit” hemisphere.

That’s right, Zimbabwe and Canada, the two titans of the global stage, are slugging it out like steroid fuelled baddies on a particular gruesome episode of Power Rangers.

It’s a pretty ugly fight. Such is its scale, innocent bystanders such as Sri Lanka and Pakistan are feeling the inexorable pull of the awesome combat. It’s the Second Second World War.

Many foolish people, thought that India was the evil Dr No of the cricket world. They’re after money; they’re after your money. Watch them. They’ve become the new Australians, in that respect.

Oh, but this is beguilement. North America is where we should direct our paranoia. Canada is trying to cash in on our little game. Not only by holding pointless tournaments to crack open a market already cold and sated with cheap, homebrew maple syrup, but by bringing in cash cow Zimbabwe.

Zimbabwe’s money-making potential is limitless given that almost all Zimbabweans are trillionaires. Except those that hold their assets in Swiss bank accounts, those fellows aren’t doing nearly as well.

So yes, Canada, in a moneyed axis with Zimbabwe are up to something. And if we don’t stop them, and stop them hard, they’ll take over without us even noticing.

Just heard this quote on the radio: “English is the natural language of the human being.” Germans, take note.