Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Let’s delude ourselves further

There are some difficult questions in life – how many times does a person need to sneeze before the need to say “bless you” dissipates. I reckon it’s about three consecutive sneezes, any more and you need to wait until the fit is over, whereupon you can say something hilarious like, “going for the record, eh?”

Another toughie might be: Michael Clarke – what’s that all about?

Michael Clarke has a dicky tummy. He’s in India. And people are worried about this. He’s in India, people, India.

Anyway, let me formulate an answer to my original question. Michael Clarke, Shane Watson and all of their ilk, although universally recognised as rubbish, still take runs, steal catches and sport womanly good hair. But they are nevertheless essentially crap.

This is the sort of thing that you need to tell yourself when the Ozzlers pulverise your childhood heros again, pounding them into a crusy, lump dust that floats uncomfortably up your nose.

Let’s look at these players:

- Matthew Hayden
- Michael the Hussey
- Stuart Clark

The list is ended. I put it to an Australian that I met in a bar in Berlin’s red light district, that these players are essentially crap, but it’s only their complete bastardliness that results in success.

His response wasn’t especially cogent. He started mumbling about how England were dead lucky in 2005 and why hasn’t she got the clothes, she needs them, I mean look at her. And, to emphasise how strongly he felt about this, he knocked over his oversized beer all over me.

That’s how Australians feel about the rest of the world. Foreigners are to be treated with poorly co-ordinated contempt, no matter how legless you are.

15 comments:

Jrod said...

Did you get sodomized by a kangaroo as a child?

Dave said...

So good you posted it twice, Athiest?

Damith S. said...

You really wanna get the point across ey?
I presume thats why this is on twice :)

Moses @ Beer and Sport said...

I feel as if I've read this before.

Michael Clarke is a bowler who can bat a bit, kind of like Ashley Giles but less shit.

Straight from the JRod school of self promotion I give you Happy Birthday to me.

Q said...

u were discussing cricket in a red light district?

Miss Field said...

I was thinking of what I could say in response to this, but Jrod did it perfectly.

Samir Chopra said...

Why aren't you being truthful about the gender of your Aussie friend?

The Atheist said...

Yes. That is odd, isn't. Why two? WHY? WHY??

All: I love Australians really. Heck. It's just their winning that I hate.

q: More or less everywhere in Germany is a red light district. This is strange because, when you look at Germans, "sex" is not the first thought that comes to mind.

But there you have it.

Miss Field said...

What word does come to mind?

D Charlton said...

Tease an Aussie and they get all angry - look at Miss Field and Uncle J throwing their boomerang-shaped toys at you Ath.

Top post - worth reading twice

Miss Field said...

Our boomerang-shaped toys eh? Would they be boomerangs then?

D Charlton said...

QED

(And I thought a boomerang was a weapon. Or are weapons toys now, like in the US?)

Miss Field said...

Only to people who know how to use them properly... so no one who got here in the last 220 years!

The Atheist said...

Miss Field, to answer your original question:

Sausage.

The Atheist said...

In fact:

Sausages.