Sunday, June 29, 2008

Oh Christ, it finally happened

The thing I have feared for the last few months; the terrifying prospect that I have anticipated since the start of the season; the source of many disguised attendances at matches: It happened.

It actually, really, finally, horribly happened.

I was walking into the Oval to watch a twenty20 match, and then, from the pits of hell, He came. Who was he? I don’t know. I doubt whether he did. All I can remember is reasonable height, green t-shirt and short, possibly curly, hair.

This thing strode further, and uttered the following bone-crushing words to me:

“Excuse me, are you a left arm Chinaman?”



What facial expression are you supposed to wear when your world collapses?

I considered this interesting social question briefly, as my body involuntarily creepped to the right, and away from this person that could only be described as a man.

I decided that the best course of action wasn’t, as my rabid sub-conscious screamingly suggested, panic like a maddy, but was to decant the madness to him.

“You are a nutcase” said my face. Coupled with the deranged side-stepping, I think I may have persuaded him that he was clearly a total weirdo for asking such a silly question. With this, I pressed home the advantage, and answered his question:

“No.”

I then ran away like a frightened little girl.

So, now I’m a celebrity. Sachin Tendulkar, you have my empathy.

24 comments:

The Atheist said...

I love the way the last four posts were about me.

Now I know why you keep coming back here.

Jrod said...

I've never read a post on here that wasn't about you.

You didn't really say no did you?

Spigot said...

right so within a couple of days you'll have a message on here saying "That was me, you cnut. I'll get you next time. Don't ever come back to the Oval or you'll end up in one of the gas towers." good move!

A P Webster said...

This is what happens when you start your own fanclub on facebook...

Miriam said...

That's what you get for bandying your image round the interwebs.

AYALAC was that on Friday? I was at that Twenty20. I didn't see you, unless you are the man who placed a pink stetson on my head saying "this is for you" before running away.

I would have said "excuse me, are you a left arm chinaman? you are! Look everyone! Look! Look!".

Straight Point said...

the guy must have flexed his muscles before folding his shirts sleeves to half and then asked 'politely'...

Suave said...

It's not like people haven't seen your mug all over t'internet, from the viddys is it now, Ath?

Ceci said...

I expect next time you go, your face will be up there, on the big screen, with your facebook fan club site address emblazened upon it and EVERONE will turn to look at you

The Atheist said...

Yes, I'm starting to wonder about my facebook decisions...

Yes, JRod, I said no, and ran away fearing my life.

Ceci, if that happens, I'm never going to another cricket match in my life.

*cowers*

Miss Field said...

Speaking of, when's the next video?

That was a weird thing to do. What's your problem? In the nicest possible way, of course.

CricketGod said...

coming back here ?

Sorry i do not come back here.

You are magnet, though i dont want to come you grap in your hand :)

Added your feed title in my site at www.cricketgod.com

Anonymous said...

I can't believe you said no to me.

The Atheist said...

Missy, you are right. It was a bit rude. But I was scared. And, truth be told, I am a bit of a weird person.

Anonymous! Is that you! Sorry I ran away. If there's any questions you'd like answered...

Has anyone else met a blogger?

Anonymous said...

Hah. Wasn't me. Scared you though! You must be nice to your fans. You never know when the fame might end.

Miriam said...

I've met Suave. He is great!

CricketGod said...

Anonymous seems to be correct no one knows when fame ends.

You must be kind in this way.

Also your title is unqiue on the net.

"Are you a left-arm Chinaman ?" I truely could not understand this real meaning of this sentense (even not now).

The Atheist said...

I wish I could meet Suave.

CG, the name "AYALAC", has a very interesting history behind it.

simonc said...

Er, that was me who accosted you. Sorry about that. I don't usually make a habit of this, honest, and I suppose I'd better stop now. It was the viddyblogs, you see; I'm not on Facebook.

It was a very convincing "you are a nutter" face though, although to be fair I have suspicions in that direction anyway so you were really just playing on my weaknesses. Good instincts.

simonc said...

Oh and I am 6'2", was wearing (if I recall correctly) a grey t-shirt with a small cartoon chicken on it and have straight hair. But I did come from the depths of hell, you have that bit right. Well, Southampton.

The Atheist said...

Yes, yes...it's all coming back now. Like the brutish, crashing return of memories from the night before.

Alright Simon, sorry I ran away from you. I had the fear.

I hope you enjoyed the match though. It's a long way to go to watch a pinko romping.

Spigot said...

I told you. He's clearly a psycho. You won't see Christmas. Make that Tuesday.

simonc said...

No apologies necessary; had you said "yes" I would probably have burbled something incomprehensible about blu-tack and bumming and then hated myself for several days. So really you saved us both.

Agreed re: the cricket, though. Unfortunately this was the match we picked to try and convert a bunch of cricket-agnostic friends to the joys of T20. Last time we took them, they witnessed the Pakistan Oval forfeit and we had to explain why a complete lack of play was really very exciting. I don't think they'll come a third time.

The Atheist said...

You're right, Spiggles, I made the right move.

Simonc = danger to society AND himself.

And bloggers.

(Especially nice ones, that get a bit frightened sometimes.)

Suave said...

I do concur with Mims, I am great ;-)

The Atheist. As I'm not a socially inept fool, I'm more than happy to meet you. I welcome meeting all and sundry, as I am truly a man of the people.