Sunday, June 08, 2008

England are ruthlessly efficient; Kiwis are ruthlessly fishy

Us fans are a fickle lot. Sure, England are alright, we say, but they’re inconsistent, they can never finish off the weaker sides.

Then our boys, prim with highlights and eye-liner, go out and effortlessly dispatch the demoralised opposition, and we complain that the match was too short.

Sure, England won, we say, but where is the competition? Where are the ups and downs?

Perhaps we like the ups and downs more when they’re not actually happening to us. In my experience, there is nothing worse than an up. Or a down. Especially when it comes to trousers.

This victory wasn’t attractive. Some people say it was. They point out the century and seven-fors and all those pretty things. But those folk think that lieder music sounds nice. And that’s just mental.

The hapless Kiwi batsmen fell feebly this morning. They were playing swing like it was 1965. They were simply far too late. Naïve fools.

Only Jacob Oram attempted resistance, and his runs were due to fortune than fortitude.

Isn’t it marvellous how the English can suck the positivity out of any situation? Let’s say something happy.

Hurrah! Alastair Cook took a catch!

Hurrah! Andrew Strauss was awarded Man of the Series!

Hurrah! Jimmler Anderson didn’t get 10 wickets in the match!

Hurrah! New Zealand are about to prove how rubbish limited over matches are by giving us a pasting in the ODIS!

Hurrah for calculators! Hurrah! Hurrah!


Straight Point said...

one should give the credit when its was very good and dominating performance by eng for a change...

while taking nothing away from their win...i will reserve the judgment for sa-eng series...coz good sides wont let you score 370 after 5 for nothing...

nz were 'in' in both games its only they could not seize the moment...

Spigot said...

With you there SP. Most things seemed to be down to NZ. They had a few great turns with the bat, they had a lot of shit ones. They bowled bloody awfully at times...

Very little really seemed to be down to england as such, they just benefited from ineptitude when it was presented to them, and it was there more often than not.

Isaac said...

I was there on the fourth day, it was a very interesting match to blog on.