Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Who’s new to hate?

The title for this post was originally “Can Bjork play cricket?”, but I was a bit short on content.

So, instead, here’s the squad that is going to destroy the hopes of millions of small children in the Caribbean.

As Matthew Haydn’s Achilles Heel is still proving his Achilles Heel, we have a lot of room to fill in the “angry at success” box that is in all our tiny, bitter brains. So, here’s the likely team, with their appropriate hate scores.

1. Simon Katich 3/10. Low scorer. Seems inoffensive enough. Hasn’t done anything terrible against England yet.

2. Phil Jacques 7/10. Not reached his full potential yet, but we all know he’ll be there soon.

3. Ricky Ponting 9/10. What annoys me most about this bloke is that he’s a useless captain. That and he’s small.

4. Michael Clare 8/10. Despite being rubbish, he persists in the side. He’s like the Aussie’s Marlin Samuels.

5. Michael Hussey 2/10. I don’t mind this bloke. Apparently, he’s better than the Don.

6. Shane Watson 0/10. Pure gold.

7. Brad Haddin 1/10. Anyone’s who’s not as good as Adam Gilchrist is ok in my books.

8. Brett Lee 1/10. Classic harmless Australian. He’s alright. When he’s not singing.

9. Stuart Clark 9/10. How this dude gets any wickets is beyond me. Truly a worthy of target unreasonable disdain.

10. Stuart McGill 1/10. How anyone could have got so far in international cricket whilst suffering goat is worthy of respect.

11. Mitchell Johnson 5/10. Bit middle of the road on the hatred count. I’ll tell you where I stand on him after a few drinks.

So, there you have it. Plenty of room for hating in the future. The only question is: who to hate? (And possible why. Only, that’s not as important.)


Rob said...

You forgot Andrew Symonds, who technically isn't full Australian and you would never know anyway as he cannot string three words together. Plenty to hate though.

Anonymous said...

All probots are an automatic 7/10 in my books. So I'd have to disagree with your assessment of Michael Hussey. Mr Cricket indeed. I feel the rage coming on.

Park said...

MacGill suffering a goat? By all accounts it is the goat that suffers him.

And the Australian selectors were sensible enough to allow Watson to stay where he excels and doesn't get injured, in India in the IPL playing for twenty overs. No rum for him.

Spigot said...

I've always found that Katich could be at least moderately hateful, mainly based on his "just eaten a whole lemon sideways" face.

Analphabetism said...

Brett Lee harmless?? That man is evil! Look at that disgusting grin. He is mocking us all. And the hair!! That must add at least a couple of points. I demand a recount. Very angry.

Jrod said...

Simon Katich is worth way more than a 3.

And Shane Watson is a Jaipur player.

Straight Point said...

...and at 8/10 MC is given way more importance he deserve...

Catherine said...

I HATE Simon Katich. NNot sure why, so he gets at least 9/10 from me. Agree with Brett Lee score. He is ace.

The Atheist said...

Let's say we all hate everyone.

Each in our own special way.

Ceci said...

Were you to grade Hayden would he be a straight 10?

Mel said...

I think in Hayden's case we can do a Spinal Tap and have a scale that goes up to eleven.

Ad said...

Those scores will be going up next summer, though I'd give 'em all 10 now.