Monday, May 19, 2008

Oram Orbits like Occidental Orb

Let me set the scene. New Zealand were 120-4. Brenda McCullum was seriously maimed by Stuart Broad. The ball was swinging like Peter Stringfellow. And the English press was refining their pre-written “walk-over” pieces.

In came Jacob Oram, owner of the biggest teeth in international cricket, to steady the boat. Although his early innings was dogged by narrow chances and dodgy footwork, he fended off the under-achieving England bowlers and saw his side home with one of the best centuries recorded on the Lord's Honours Boards.

His Worzel Gummidge hairdo, which is the source of all his strength, flapped gaily in the Spring-time cool as he wofted another powerful boundary.

The cleanness of his striking and the freeness of his scoring was emphasised by his apparently useless partner: Daniel Flynn.

Flynn looks like a young Ian Bell, who has just been told that Katie Jenkins in form 9B fancies him. He hit 29 from 118 balls. I suppose we should say that he preserved his wicket. But I have decided that I don’t like him. I’m not sure why. He just offends me.

Rather like the girl in the office with the “hilarious” sneeze.

Both teams, I think it is fair to say, performed admirably in rather difficult conditions. Despite what the rabid English press say, England did not run away with it. The sides are even, and the series is setting up to be a real coochie snorcher.

3 comments:

Dave said...

Good work by the Kiwis. If not for the weather and the light, it could have been Hamilton all over again. I hate to think what might have happened if we were set a target of 300 or so to chase with a day or so remaining.

Jrod said...

I always suspected Worzel of being a kiddie interferer.

Mel said...

You think his display of affection towards Aunt Sally was just to put us off the scent?