Friday, March 28, 2008

Sehwag is the brown tape of the sellotape world

Virender Sehwag scored 300 and everyone is excited. This was perhaps one of the best innings in the history of test cricket. Not only because of the fierce heat and the ferocious strokeplay, but because so many people had written off Sehwag only a few months again.

And like your finest roll of brown tape, Sehwag calmly and efficiently covered everything with his shiny and strong cellulose-based, pressure-sensitive adhesive tape. Got the job done. Unlike pretanders Wasim “Masking Tape” Jaffer or Rahul “Duct Tape” Rahul, who only managed faintly sticky half centuries to Sehwag’s gloriously adhesive triple ton.

This was taping at its best. Exhibition taping.

To hit so cleanly, whilst playing so dangerously, rocks my tiny world. I assumed that this sort of play was reserved for the “quick fifty”, but, oh no, the Master of Taping turned my world upside down.

They who would craft a large innings over a period of time, I’m looking at you The Wall, scored substantially less than the Mighty Sehwag. They scored the half-centuries, whereas the biffer racked up a monster.

This makes no sense to me. I shall need a sit down to cope with this whole episode.

Suave reckons that our Virender will go on an beat Lara’s record. You know what, he might just be right.

4 comments:

Jrod said...

Who is the gaffer tape?

miriam said...

The captain of course has to be the gaffer tape.

D Charlton said...

FOTC have a song about tape - and love - seems pretty apt. Lyrics here - but better if you find it on YouTube:

Lives are like delicate pencils
If you push them too hard they're gonna break
And people are like paper dolls
Paper dolls and people, they're a similar shape
Hmm hmm hm

Love is like a roll of tape
It's real good for making two things one
But just like that roll of tape
Love sometimes breaks off before you were done

Another way that love is similar to tape
That I've noticed
Is sometimes it's hard to see the end
You search on the roll
(search on the roll)
Search on the roll
(searching round the roll)
Search on the roll
(search)
With your fingernail
Again and again
And again and again
And agaaaain.

Brown paper, white paper
Stick it together with the tape
The tape of love
The sticky stuff

Brown paper, white paper
Stick it together with tape
The tape of love
The sticky stuff.

People people
Brown paper, white paper
Paper paper Stick it together with tape
Paper paper The tape of love
People people
People people
Pencil pencil
Pencil pencil
Paper paper
Put the pencil to the paper
Give the paper to the people
Let the people read about the sello tape
Oh baby baby
Yeah

Bret:
You know, Jemaine, I've been thinking about love.
And I guess it's the very strongest adhesive.

Jemaine:
Oh sorry, Bret. Were you talking to me? I was humming.
What did you say?

Bret:
Oh, just... nothing.

Brown paper, white paper
Stick it together with tape
The tape of love
The sticky stuff
Yeah
Ooh brown
Brown paper, white paper
Stick it together with tape
The tape of love
Say it
Sticky
Stick stick
Stick it together
Ye-yeah

miriam said...

D Charlton, awesome! FOTC: always a life lesson there somewhere.