ICC indulges in abstract recruitment

Who’s the next ICC boss?

Well, no one really knows. It’s all a bit of a cock-up.

The ICC wants Imtiaz Patel, who currently works for “SuperSport” (don’t ask, I don’t know), and have announced his appointment in “abstract” terms. Above is an artistic interpretation of those terms.

See, I’m feeling a bit creative at the moment, as I went to the Tate Modern yesterday. However, as is the way with modern art, I was repeatedly made to feel like a pervert. In one of the seedy, small side-rooms of the exhibition they show short films by artists.

In one such private booth, I watched a fantastic film called “Meat Joy.” It essentially filmed an orgy, where a large number of people perform erotic acts on pieces of meat. Just as I was watching an actress grind happily against a dead fish, a woman entered the room.

She looked at the film. She looked at the depravity. Then she turned at looked at me. She looked at my depravity. Her disgust bore through me like a Denis Lillie bouncer. She left, appalled. I left, ashamed.

Later, I found another little video room. “What can be in here?” I innocently thought.

A film showing a woman, behind a strip of paper. Fairly innocuous, I thought. She then wrote her name on the paper. Perfectly normal, I mused, but what could it mean? Then see began to tear away at the paper, gradually revealing to the me, and me alone, that she wasn’t wearing anything.

Just as ripped off the last, crucial screen, she stood there naked before me. Her eyes were full of disgust, “you pervert” she silently said. At this moment, the same women who walked in on me during my meat shame strolled in. She looked at the naked person on film. She then turned at me. She seemed surprised to see me, and then not surprised to see me.

They both stared at me. I had to sit and absorb the revulsion of two women, one naked and on film, one real and sickened by my deviancy.

I just wanted to look at some pretty pictures.

Anyway, above is my interpretation of the ICC’s current situation.

So, who is this Imtiaz Patel fella? By all accounts, he sounds like a prat. Ken Borland, a South African sports journalist, noted,

"While he always exudes polite charm in public, Patel is known to have a scathing tongue in the privacy of the boardroom and even hardened former cricketers who work as commentators for SuperSport are known to slink into the corners when he lets fly."

This is deeply unprofessional and prattish behaviour.

But, I wouldn’t mind this, so long as he liberated the ICC from its current status as “play thing of the BCCI.”

Yeah…that’s all I have to say.