Friday, February 29, 2008

Who’s worse: Australians or Frenchies?

I’ve just been offered a dream job, so I’ll try not to let my good mood affect my usual misanthropic moaning.

Today, I’d like to point out how hard our boys in white are making it to like them. Compare, if you will, with the England rugby team.

I normally hate it when blogs talk about non-cricketing issues, it’s like going to the pub and finding that they’re only selling fairy cakes, alright in themselves, but not the main reason you went there. But please humour me for the moment.

My problem is this: who should I like more? England’s cricket team, or England’s rugby team?

This is surprisingly difficult to answer, notwithstanding cricket’s obvious superiority. But the problem is this: there is no cricketing equivalent of beating France at home. Perhaps beating the Ausslers in their patch, but when all’s said and done, I’d happily share a drink with an Australian and we’d get on fine. But, with the Frenchies, there’s something deeply inbuilt into English hearts that has something against The French.

Recent history and onset of civilisation aside, The French are still the enemy. And at least the Australian’s don’t make their bread into ridiculous shapes.

Add into this already confused situation the fact that England’s cricket team is absolutely bloody useless at the moment, and you’ll understand my position. Conceding a140 run deficit to bunch of blokes who can only be called Random New Zealanders, is pretty poor. But then for the bowlers to fritter away perfect conditions by pitching it too short is like watching the Fijian rugby team attempt a snowball fight.

Even the mighty Hoggler, who was built for miserable Kiwian climes failed to polish off the obscure seat-fillers as his amazing talents should allow.

Useless.

Perhaps the presence of someone named Richard Wigglesworth might tip the balance in the rugby team’s favour. In any case, I’ll give Michael Vaughan’s lads this last test series to redeem themselves from my embittered contempt.

Ah, that's better: the old magic's back again. Bah humbug.

10 comments:

Miss Field said...

Jonny Wilkinson shits me to tears.

That is all, back to my bread-topiary. Today it's the Sydney Opera House.

miriam said...

Personally, I'm becoming more and more keen on Australians.

miriam said...

Miss Field, if you were to make a Sydney Opera House out of white bread that would be the best thing EVER.

Miss Field said...

Hmm. I think it's probably doable.

Hey have you ever visited, Miriam?

miriam said...

Yes, twice; in 1996 and 2001. 1996 - Brisbane, Darwin and Cairns. 2001 - Sydney, Melbourne and (slightly randomly) Wollongong.

Miss Field said...

Brisbane/Darwin/Cairns are unusual choices for a first time visitor.

I think a big party should be held in Melbourne for the next Boxing Day Ashes test. It would be splendid! And all the blogs would be unwritten, because their authors would be arguing their points in person haha.

miriam said...

1) Brisbane/Darwin/Cairns was on tour with a choir.

2) That appeals to me more than you know.

Miss Field said...

It's just a shame it seems like such a long way off. Because the coolness would be unrivaled! Even the players would be knockin on the door to come to our party.

Miss Field said...

Also, I meant to say, congrats on the job offer. I made you a token congratulatory gift http://www.sundialgardens.com/briocheBirdBread.jpg

The Atheist said...

Thanks for the pressie, Missy, it's beautiful.

Interestingly enough, when I make bread and butter pudding it looks a lot like the Sydney Opera House. Although, because I'm English, I perfer to liken it to a Napolean Convention.