Thursday, February 07, 2008

New Zealand: piss-poor with bells on

New Zealand lost another game today. Nothing new there. This happens a lot in that part of the world. We’ll see it, in one form or another, for their next 17 games.

The Kiwis aren’t really terrible. They have a few good players. Take Shane Bond, or Jacob Oram. They’re good players. They make the team good. When these two are, say, off getting rich in India or buggering about with broken limbs, then the Kiwis are terrible.

It says a lot for a side that doesn’t just get beat by England, but lose by so much. I mean, this is England – cricket’s version of the little engine that couldn’t. How do you lose to us?

I’ve done a little digging on the rubbishness of New Zealand. Oh yes. Since 12 April of 2007, the Kiwis have played 13 ODIs. Excluding matches against Bangladesh, they have won two of these matches. That’s pretty rubbish, yeah?

In the same period, England have played 17 ODIs. They won nine and lost eight. Not bad, given the quality of the opposition (South Africa, West Indies, India and Sri Lanka) but, if we to be honest with ourselves, we know they’re pretty rubbish too.

Ordinarily, two equally rubbish teams might make for an interesting series. But, the problem is that New Zealand have the edge: they have found new heights of rubbishness that England are struggling to cope with.

Ah well, at least it gets our lads in the open for a bit. Keeps of them of the streets. So it’s not all negative.


Suave said...

I can only see a Hulk Smash for this series...

The kiwis really do look poor at present, maybe they should follow Uncle J Rod's advice and merge with the Saffers. Maybe we could enforce that, with the old gun ships.

Bring on the new world order!

Uncle J rod said...

I believe it was with Sri Zealand and not New Africa.

Suave said...

Sorry Uncle J rod..

You're right.

Let us create a Sri Zealand.

Bring out HMS Destroyer, and send her down to the Tasman sea..

The Atheist said...

While it's on its way, can we get it to bombard a few key Australian cricket centres?

You know, just to even things out a little. They can't bowl us out if they have mangled limbs.

Suave said...

I'll see what I can do, I have a friend who's a rear admiral.. I'm sure he'll sort something out!