Monday, February 04, 2008

Monty: I’m not a sex symbol

In frankly unbelievable news, Monty Panesar, the sexiest man in Britain, has proved what a modest and nice young man he is.

The Sunday Times do a little “Day in the Life of…” feature, where an interesting person reveals how mind-numbingly boring their life is by writing a piece of Their Average Day. Monty has recently given us an insight into his domestic yet fascinating life.

He still lives with his parents, but that’s ok, because they get up early and give him nice breakfasts. You know, yoghurt, fruit, that sort of thing.

“I love it when the whole family sits down for dinner. My mum is a wicked cook. The best! She’s great at all the traditional Indian food, but she does fantastic Italian stuff too. Her lasagne is brilliant.”
He likes to play on the Playstation with his little brother. And chess.

He uses “Herbal Essences” shampoo on his long hair. I would take the piss, but, I used Herbal Essences this morning. There was some sort of special deal going – so that makes being a girl ok.
“My religion is effortless. It’s just there.”
Which, I think, is a fine way to describe his bowling too. He also likes to listen to “Diverse FM”
“They have some serious, serious R & B on there.”
I don’t doubt it, Monty. I don’t doubt it at all.

He, like me, buggers about the house. Or, as he likes to call it, “practices his bowling.” He also reveals that his muscles were too big at one point, but had to tone-down – “huge shoulder muscles and biceps get in the way of bowling.” Exactly the same happened to me.

Anyway, the greatest controversy since the eruption of the argument regarding the precise location of Suriname at this weekend’s pub quiz came with Monty’s following revelation:
“People ask if I get more interest from girls now I play for England. Um, to be honest, not really. The cricket takes up all of my time.”
This is obvious lying. If I had a sister, I’d immediately get her hooked-up with the Sikh of Tweak.

Unless she was under-age or something. Then I’d have to beat up Mr Puny-Muscles. But otherwise, she wouldn’t be able to keep her hands off him. Although, if she went for any one on the England squad, I’d be fine with that too. However, she’d obviously be hounded from the family if she went anywhere near KP. Or Matt Prior.

In fact, Monty’s fine. You go girl.

9 comments:

scorpicity said...

Ho Ho nice... he is also very enterprising too... got his own personal website that sells panesar merchandise. He did that site as soon as he debuted which was amazing.

You are right about staying away from prior... you will die by simply hearing his pointless and highly constipated conversations.

Uncle J rod said...

have you noticed that the more you blog the more buff you get, its really starting to get embarrassing.

The Sporting Spirit said...

hilarious...

The Atheist said...

Monty's website is incredible. I think he's managed by Robert Murdoch, or someone equally cut-throat. Monty's behind the scenes nick-name is Monty "Pan-on-hand" because of his tendency to Pan people.

With a frying pan.

Unkie, the answer to unwanted hunkiness is to stop blogging and get in the gym. You'll be sweaty and unattractive in no time.

Miss Field said...

Just had a look, that website is very impressive. Michael Vaughan's on the other hand is lame-o, as are all the others by the same design group. Laaaaame!

miriam said...

The "mmmmmonty..." women's tshirt on the website is available for age group 10-13 years. Is this not just a little bit wrong?

Miss Field said...

Yes, I think that's very wrong. I remember at Disneyworld they had t-shirts for 8-11yo girls that said "Jack Sparrow is my boyfriend," I love Johnny Depp too, but he's somewhere in his 40s, it was wrong. The question is, what parents would actually let their daughter wear it.

The Atheist said...

I was expecting a few "Monty -phoar" comments.

Apparently, there are none.

Poor Monty.

Miriam said...

If he doesn't have time for us, we don't have time for him.