Wednesday, December 05, 2007

The future is Red

Let us find new heros. The country of my birth, England, isproving to be more rubbish than Darth Vader could possibly have imagined, so I looking about for some alternatives.

(JRod suggested that neither New Zealand or Sri Lanka were good enough for test cricket and should merge. Given recent developments, perhaps England are in the same boat – they should merge with Bangladesh maybe?)

So who to support? Obviously all the test playing nations are taken. I would support Sluggo, but I have too much love to give for just one man. I would pick a Pimmy, but they're worse than England. I need a team with a future; a team with a plan; a team that intends to take over the world.

That team is China.

In 2005 the Chinese Ministry of Sport decided that it would be a major force in world cricket by 2020 in qualifying as a test nation. Apparently, there are 115 teams in China, giving, roughly, 1725 players a game. In 2004 there were none. At this rate of development they will have 22 thousand players by 2020. That is more than the population of Twickenham. Frightening, isn’t it?

With their almost cruel training regimes and crushing political pressure, they are sure to perform at an international level. I would even fancy their chances against Australia. Although, I am a little worried about coping with their names. That might be awkward.

Perhaps not, though, we have handled Ko Ling Wud and Mon Tee Pan Sar without difficultly.

70 Chinese having taken a course in cricket coaching. It has taken on, it seems, to quote one Zhang Yufei, 15, from Beijing Zhichunli High School,

“I’m crazy about cricket. I train three times a week at school. My greatest wish is to play against foreign teams and defeat them.”

Which, funnily enough, the aim of many other Chinese institutions.

Once the Red Army comes steaming across the English Channel, I think I'm pretty safe. "Look at my blog," I'll say, "I'm nice to Chinamen there. Look at its name." And they shall say, "ah so" and I'll get a cushy position as Commissar for Cricket.

My first act will be to execute the readers of my blog. They're a lazy, unproductive bunch. I'll say "they lack ideological integrity, comrades". Then I'll be laughing. HA HA HA.


Uncle J rod said...

Its like Chairman Mao said,

All our batting and bowling are for the masses of the people, and in the first place for the workers, peasants and soldiers; they are created for the workers, peasants, and soldiers and for their use.

Well put.

Seeing Red said...

Your readers are lazy?

Geez Comrade, how about you. All you do is have a single template bemoaning another English loss and only have to change the frigging opposition names.

John said...

I want to see a Chinese team take the field one day. Must ask Stu about persons of Mongol descent taking the cricket field.

The Atheist said...

Ooh, it's been a long time since we've been attacked here in Ayalac.

I didn't of course mean to say that you were bastards, I'd only say that when the Red Army came.

I wish I could talk more about China, but there's bugger all news about them. I suppose I could make some up. Anyway, cheers comrades.

Seeing Red said...

Sorry didn't mean to get your hopes up, not really an attack, twas just a little piss taking :)