Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Australians: Are they all bastards?

A difficult question. Especially when we consider the affliction that is Germaine Greer. What twisted people would willingly exact that thing upon the world? This issue has reached new levels of importance with Sri Lanka’s up-and-coming tour of Oz.

Arjuna Ranatunga, former Lankan captain and heaviest man at the Chorlton-on-Beans May Day Fayre 1998-9, warned Muttiah Muralitharan to stay away from the tour, for fear of the abuse the spinner is likely to receive. Jason Gillespie expects loads of it.

For some reason Australians hate Murali. To me, this is unfathomable prejudice: Murali is great. He also has a medical condition which means he cannot straighten his arm. He cannot help bowling without a bent arm.

Should we ban Shane Watson from international cricket for having pathologically crap hair? No, he can’t help being a twat – he was born that way.

The arm business is only half it. The remaining abuse is likely to come from the fact that he is not Australian. An unthinkable crime, I know. But Sajid Mahmood and Monty Panesar suffered from these malicious attentions during the last Ashes series.

We can only surmise that Australia is a bastardly place full of, in the main, bastards. That may be unfair. Not everyone that lives there is nasty. There’s some British ex-pats, for one.

But if this frequent racial abuse is to continue, we may have to consider the possibility of Australia forfeiting the right to host international matches although. This may give the rest of us a chance. But, you know, something has to be done. I don’t know what…or how. All I know is that I don’t want to pay for it. Or anything else.


Uncle J rod said...

Should we ban Shane Watson, yes.

And not all Ausralians are bastards, i am, and most of my friends are. But i've come accross a few who aren't.

Suave said...

I concur with Uncle J Rod... I think the mentality of the average Australian working class, will hate anyone who's not the same as they are, just like our own beloved sun readers, but I know a lot of very cool Australians..

The worrying bit about it all, is that rather than stand and tell the minority that is a heinous thing, racially abusing other players and teams, Jason Gillespie just said (paraprhasing here) 'these things happen, they've got to expect a little of it, they can't chuck out a whole section of the crowd'. Why should they? and why can't the authorities chuck out a whole section?! That's rubbish, and in my opinion, he's basically saying it's OK.

Sumit said...

i think it comes from a persecution complex because everyone calls them bastards

The Atheist said...

Yeah. You lot are probably right. The Australians are alright.

Not like the Danish. Now they're right bastards.

Stuart said...

I would take exception only with your claim that Monty copped a hard time. There was one incident early in the summer, but he very quickly obtained cult hero status and the crowds cheered him.

The Australian crowds will generally take to anyone who gives it their best, and who doesn't come off like a smart-arse. Which is why the South Africans cop it worse than any other teams.

And yes, we are probably all bastards. And if we could ban Shane Watson for his hair, I say do it. Ban him for any reason at all - just don't let him play.

The Atheist said...

Stuart, you are right about Monty. But, I was just running out things to write, and when that happens I do like any good journalist and lie.

I find the Australian hatred for Saffers amusing. They're so far away, can't you store your hatred for somewhere more productive? Like the Kiwis? You can easily catch the boat and bottle a few of them at the weekend, but that's not so easy with the South Africans.

Look at me: I hate Scots. And they live nextdoor. This is a realistic hatred.

Tony said...

We hate the Kiwis, too; especially your Chris Cairns types who strut around like they're the best rowers/yachties/dressagers in a very small town.

Andrew Mosey said...

The only racist treatment Monty got over here was from the English selectors who persisted with Giles for the first two tests..

I guess we hate the saffas since we have a fair amount in common with them, especially in sporting terms. Also there's a lot of them migrating to oz so we can give them shit about being saffas.

If we're banning Shane Watson for bad hair then Bracken should be shot for same.

As for being bastards, couldn't have said it better myself.