Matt Prior shows he has balls

Matt Prior stung by the attacks of his prattishness and incompetence, has fought back by saying:

“I have a huge testicle.”

He went on to say.

“I can use it for a seat.”

Continuing to say:

“How do you like them apples?”

In other news, England’s women lost to New Zealand’s women. No one knows why, because no one follows women’s cricket. It’s like giving quorn to a drunken Northern: alright for an appetiser, but where’s the foockin’ meat, ya Soothern pan-seh. Violence subsequently ensues.

In other news, half the Indian team have died because of an outbreak of Dorset Ebola. Sachin Tendulkar, Zaheer Khan, Ajit Agarkar, RP Singh and Yuvraj Singh have all caught the rare disease and will probably expire in under 24 hours. Doctors are quoted to say:

“Well, I’m not going any where near them.”

Lack of dead players may give England the cruicial edge in the forthcoming games.