Here are some remarks by Colly “Paul Collingwood” Coleslaw, regarding England’s chances at the World Cup: “We hope we can take that kind of form and the momentum from the last four games into the World Cup – and we hope we’ll go a long way. We hope we’ve peaked at the right time.”
He went on to say: “Sod it. We’re unstoppable. I’ll have that trophy, next to my MBE medal, on m’mantelpiece before long, man.”
OK – I may have used some tricks from political journalism there, but I think we all know what he’s getting at. Because England have demonstrated that it is possible to win a match, they’re certain to win the World Cup.
This may be true, but I’m more interested in Colly’s constant use as England PR man. His prolific output is almost McGrathian. For instance, scoring a double hundred gave him a "great feeling"; England are good at “fighting back”; Shane Warne would be a handy addition to the back-room team, etc. Throughout the many crushing defeats he was always there to note that it wasn't all lost yet. Until it was. But he still didn't shut up.
However, he did produce one very illuminating comment to the Metro the other day, saying that Michael Vaughan had brought “calm” to the outfit. Suggesting that a previously positive team were in a state of panic. The spirit of the team was never mentioned publicly and, I suspect, privately either. If the England team had acknowledged these feelings of inadequacy, they may have moved on from them. Instead, the platitudinous wittering about “taking positives out of a loss” were counter-productive. We need to be honest and embrace our lameness. Collingwood builds “knowing his limitations” into his game – why can’t England do the same and start talking sense?
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