Daddy or chips?

Which is better, rugby union or rugby league? The answer is, of course, cricket.

Here's a harder question, who is better, South Africa or Pakistan? Well, maybe there's an easy answer, because, judging by recent performances, South Africa is flying eagle, whereas Pakistan is dying beagle.

South Africa are a lot like Australia. When they lose, we all secretly cheer, like when a good enemy of ours dies. Strangely, South Africa are not Australia, and yet they produce the same effect. I don’t know why this is. Nor will I speculate further, because I did not experience this dark joy.

Pakistan, with certain victory in sight, lost six wickets for 20 runs in 36 balls. This lost them the match and the series.

This is seriously rubbish. We all like Pakistan. They’re a charismatic bunch, that wade into the crowd with fists flying one minute, only to retreat into an introspective shell by beating the crap out of their team-mates with a cricket bat the next minute. You know where you stand with them. I like them most when they cheat. Lovable rogues.

Unfortunately, Pakistan’s batting let itself down. Mainly because of the buggering about with the line-up and the strategy and stuff. Although Mohammad Yousuf produced his usual unbelievable performance by averaging 70 in the series. Other that him, rubbish. Shaun Pollock out-performed most of Pakistan’s batsman.

If, like me, you are in need of a cheer up, read Stuart’s brilliant cricketing diary series. It reads like a mixture between Sue Townsend, Geoff Boycott and Vincent Van Gough. Top stuff.

Shahid Afridi: still amazing, if alarmingly likeable

Afridi is rather like a pair of jet-powered roller skates: fun to nip to the shops for a pint of milk, but you wouldn’t want to commute to work in them.

This one-man myth helped Pakistan dispatch the South Africans by a handsome six wickets. Not only did he whack 32 off 18 to get his side off to a great start, but he also bowled a decisive 3-37 off his ten overs.

Afridi is finally finding a permanent place for himself in the side. Previously, people expected lots of runs from the man. Let’s be honest with our selves: Afridi will never do that. Quick runs, yes; many runs, not really.

But his bowling is becoming increasingly dangerous. I fancied him as the best bowler in the twenty20 tournament, and his weird brand of… well, I don’t know what you call them, spinning sneezes, or something, anyway, whatever the heck he bowls, it seems to do the job.

I remember seeing him bowl once. I thought to myself, “he bowls fast for a spinner.” And I was right. What was I talking about? I yes, I was saying that Afridi is now a Really Good Bowler, he provides handy, if mad, runs. This is his place. Moving the spotlight from the batting, if impossible, is probably the best way of handling his unique talent.

Most people love Afridi. Usually, the slightest sniff of popularity in a player is enough to put me off them (the Monty excepted) but there is a charm in Afridi’s rather slack-jawed approach to the game. Like home-brewed scrump, there’s a rustic honesty to him made all the better by the random dead animals that they threw into the vat.

As a rule, I like the players that everyone else loathes. Jacques Kallis and Rahul Dravid: champions among younger and more exciting men. Show me a solid forward defence played to a harmless half-volley, and I will show you a happy Atheist. Everything is in its place, and the world is as it should be.

Kallis gives Pakistan The Death

Jacques Kallis has scored his third century of the series against Pakistan to take the Saffers into a commanding position in the fourth day of the second test.

With his partner, Graeme Smith, who also notched up a hundred to his name, extended South Africa’s led to an impregnable 450 odd. He did this by a gradual, wearing grind. As always.

There were some who supported such an approach to twenty20 matches. It was the winning strategy in some games. Maybe South Africa could have used this approach, given that they badly flopped below their potential in the tournament.

Yet Kallis was dropped from the Proteas’ twenty20 squad because he was too boring. I don’t think they could have done much worse, to be honest. You might as well pick your best player, eh?

Kallis, however, bravely moaned like an eight year-old, but also mopped around Pakistan for a bit, scoring centuries left-right-and-centre to show he’s pretty good at cricket. Not just when faced by minnows, but he can play serious opposition too.

The man is much maligned, and unfairly so. I think he should move to Derby and captain England’s rugby team. Talking of which, did you know that England knocked Australia out of the World Cup?

South Africa look a bit better, really

In the first test of the serious, South Africa beat Pakistan by 168 runs at Karachi. Jacques Kallis scored two centuries; Shaun Pollock was dropped; Mark Boucher broke keeping records; and Inzamam-ul-Haq announced his retirement from international cricket.

So there’s lots to talk about. So, feel free to go to the pubs and chat these things over with some mates.

I like it when Pakistan play South Africa. There’s a parity between their standards, but I also have them both marked as “mercurial” and “occasionally brilliant”. You never are quite sure what’s going to happen.

Normally, Pakistan tend to blink first, and South Africa manage to squeeze home. However, this series promise a new era for Pakistan cricket: consistency and dedication.

Shoaib Akhtar looks finished, Younis Khan has become a Yorkshireman, Inzy is off and Mohammed Yousef’s retirement loaming. The big names of Pakistani cricket are moving off, but also allowing in a new age of apparently “reliable” cricket.

Judging by this first match, they’re still liable to fall into the ridiculous (opening with Kamran Akmal was a little….unexpected), but you cannot fault their ambition. Although OLD Abdur Rehman looked pretty handy, picking up eight wickets in his debut test. It’s alright though, spinners can be old.

So, all in all, I’m looking forward to the rest of the series. Yeah…I don’t want to big it up too much, though; it might be rubbish, and then you’ll blame me.