Here’s a picture of an expired monkey I found near my house. I think you’ll agree that its similarity to the England cricket team is striking.In their latest rout, they decided to adopt the “South African” strategy by dropping their best player. Dimitri Mascarenhas was left out in favour of Ravi Bopara.
Bopara is a nice young lad who has “a lot of potential”. Dimitri is a devastating player who can win matches with both bat and ball.
Mascarenhas is one of those weird county players that make you wonder what exactly is going on with the world. On the face of it, the Dimler doesn’t have any obvious talent. He bats at about seven and bowls ordinary looking medium pacers.
But, every so often, his batting explodes into a run-fest. Even more interestingly, his bowling is capable of Keeping The Runs Down and even taking a few wickets here and there. Notwithstanding the fact that he’s in New Zealand, the home of the medium pace trundler.
Bopara’s bowling is never really used and, at that stage of the innings, you would rather an experienced, weird-looking head to come in. Someone like Mascarenhas.
In any case, whether he was in the side, he wouldn’t have affected the outcome of this match. It was rank incompetence from top to bottom. It was like watching Bangladesh. Or, worse still, England in the 1990s.
However, our kebab-loving, pint-consuming, telly-watching, dog-betting, bowl-licking friend Jesse Ryder got some runs. Hopefully, that will secure his spot for the Kiwians tour of England.
