Thursday, February 14, 2008

Streaking: top ten

Today is Valentines Day. If, like me, the nearest thing you got to female contact recently was accidentally brushing the hand of the girl in the newsagent’s, then you’ll appreciate today’s post.

Today we celebrate streaking.

The English have been responsible for many things: football, cricket, rugby, logical atomism. But no export has had such an impact on the world as streaking. This is the art of taking off all your clothes for no reason and invading a sporting event with your arms aloft.

Once on the “field of play” you have one objective: longevity. Your artistic interpretation of the present match would have caused a stir in the ranks of the philistine stewards, and they will endeavour to deny your freedom of expression.

Before they oppress you, you must leap over the stumps, cartwheel or engage one of the players in conversation. Other than that, the field is your own.

Here are the official top ten cricket streaks.

10. Michael Angelow

Lords. The 1970s. There at the golden era of streaking.

9. Lynsey Dawn Mckenzie

Here’s our Lynsey invading an England vs. West Indies match in 1995. Here strong evasion technique led to her pursuing a career as a glamour model. Whatever that is.

8. Sri Lankan Record Breaker

This unidentified, and English, streaker was fined 5000 rupees for holding up a test match. But, he holds the record for being the first to streak in Sri Lanka. Hopefully, his sacrifice will encourage an embryonic pursuit to grow in the sub-continent.

7. Paul Aveyard

Showing a classic streakers technique, he leaps the stumps in an England one-dayer. He later attempts a chat with a grumpy and taciturn Graham Thorpe.

6. Patriotic Lass

One of my favourites. This is streaking with pride. She really shows us how to honour our nation. We all have something to learn here.

5. Sheila Nichols

At the tender age of 19, she invaded Lords in 1989. A brave and stirring display

4.Liam Plunkett

After taking another wicket against the Windies, Plunkett decided to celebrate in style.

3. Fishing Hat

This unidentified fellow gets a mention not only for his bare-faced cheek, but the apparently placid nature of their conversation. It would be interesting to know what they were talking about. But, judging by Alec Stewart’s hand gesture, they’re not comparing bat sizes.

2. Bruce McCulley

This fellah was, as you can see, assaulted and man-handled in the nude by Greg Chappell. Although McCulley was fined £45 for disorderly conduct, he brought a case of assault against Chappell. He lost.

1. Erica Roe

The number one stop goes to this lass. Not only for her gay and free abandon on the field, but because she didn’t forget to bring her fag. She completed this classy performance in front of the 1983 test match crowd – which included the Queen, no less.

We’ve been a bit saucy as late, and for that, I apologise. No more nudity for a while now: I promise. But if you would like to read more about streaking, please consult Mark Roberts’ site, The Streaker, for more information on streaking in your local area.


Anonymous said...

Whoa. NSFW!

Anonymous said...

Bally hell old bean, that's left me rather flustered on a Thursday Morning!!

And what Mims said!

Anonymous said...

That was one hell of a scroll-down.

The Atheist said...

I feel that I have stunned my readers into silence, either that or they have been sacked from work after looking up naughty images. To them, I have no sympathy. Rude buggers.

Also, I'm hoping that the shock value will mask the glaring factual errors in this post.

If you want to make yourself into a star, get a friend to photograph you whilst streaking at a cricket match. I WILL publish it, and you will become a celebrity and a hero to millions.

Miss Field said...

Great, now I know how I can give Gilly a really memorable farewell tomorrow (at least from my point of view, maybe not his).

Actually I feel sorry for the poor guy who has to chase a naked person around an enclosed space with a blanket in front of thousands of people. Way to feel foolish.

Happy Valentine's Day, Atheist. Yours sounds about as riveting as mine was. Nothing from Symonds, Oram, Vaughan... they're all going to hell.

Samir Chopra said...

My all-time favorite radio commentary moment came during India's 1986 tour of England. A female streaker (quite a cute one, I must say), ran on to the ground, holding up a banner that said "bring back Botham". I forget who was on Test Match Special at the time. This is how it went: "...and, theres a streaker on the ground...and Srikkanth goes up to have a closer look".

Incidentally, this past Boxing Day test, we had a streaker show up as well. He thought he'd fool everyone with the flag he wrapped around his shoulders, but I was on to him. It was the Irish tricolor. Not the Indian.

The Atheist said...

Samir, fantastic stories! For some reasons the Irish have taken warmly to streaking. Sadly, it doesn't seem to be too popular in India. Why is that? Still an emerging market?

Missy, if you streak at tomorrow's game, I will dedicate a permanent shrine here at AYALC to your glory. I would make you an official GODDESS and we all bask in divinity of your resplendent streaking.

Anonymous said...

We got a picture of a streaker once.

Looks not unlike Ryan Sidebottom.

Gaurav Sethi said...

The countdown's very thoughtful, and No. 1 is smoking! There was a streaker in one of the recent Ind-Aus tests, SMG and co on air - boy did they talk all around it. Some deeply absorbing trivialities. talk of giving a streaker the ignore. Likewise the cameras.

Anonymous said...


I'm just glad you never printed the second streaker picture, I'd have choked on two seperate meals.

That would have been most disappointing!

Tony said...

Michael O'Brien was the bloke who streaked at Twickenham in the early 70s and had the copper put his helmet over his privates. He is now a stockbroker who lives here in Melbourne.

Not sure whether he is an Australian or an Englishman. You can't tell by looking at him in the nude.

Anonymous said...

Being part of the minority group of female cricket fan, I'm not sure whether I want to thank you for this post but I do acknowledge the incredible effort in sourcing all these photos. I think streaking is induced by the effect of sunshine and beer on white skin.

The Atheist said...

Cricketgirl, of course you want to thank me for this post. You found it very informative.

Tony, I was wondering about the famous Michael O'Brian picture - me being a Twickenham lad. But, that was an obviously non-cricket streak, so I tried to sneak in another Twickenham reference and hoped no-one would notice.

Does anyone know about sub-continental streaking? Are there many clubs? Or is it still a growing occupation?

Miss Field said...

Well I was committed but then I remembered the fine is $5000, and we all pooled our money together and realised we only had $17.70.

Shame, I was looking forward to a shrine.

Samir Chopra said...


I'm not sure why its not taken off in India. I suspect some false sense of propriety is to blame. Quite a failing in our national sensibility. However, I'm hopeful. The brash youth of today will want to distance themselves from the primness of their elders, and take it all off. Perhaps if cheap beer could be sold at the grounds, it'd help.


Miss Field said...

Samir, in my experience I'm not sure the beer needs to be cheap.

John said...

J Rod is no longer my best cricket blogger in the universe. Sorry uncle.

Anonymous said...

Ouch! Greg Chappell is destroying that streaker's penis, does anyone know how many times he hit McCulley in the nuts/dick with that bat?

Pay per head bookie said...

Holy cra....!!! what a post!! haha and I am pressed by the size of the second and last pictue wow!! and they are real!! haha