Bring Warney home

There’s another hilarious unlikely musical out at the moment. It’s about Shane Warne. How unlikely is that? Hilarious! Ironic musicals. What will they think of next? Deary me.

In any case, there was a report on the BBC this morning about a new musical launching in Melbourne today. The actor, writer and Warneo look-a-like, said he spent three years gathering material.

He didn’t want to make any “cheap shots”. He needed strong, original material that stood on its own; not petty, easy passé jokes at Warne’s expense.

The first song I heard was an aghast chorus proclaiming their shock at the site of Warne jogging.

In any case, as we all know, the Blond Bamboozler is first and foremost a committed German. Germany, and German, culture is very dear to him, especially the food and beer.

So, in honour these profoundly felt roots, I, of AYALAC, call for the musical to be brought before the people of Berlin, so that they, too, might partake in his glory. The glory of the greater German people, still lives on, deep within the gut of one of their most loyal children.

Why Warne should come back

Because it would be flipping hilarious.

Flipping hilarious say I!

Pakistan turn to the Windies

Yes, it got that bad.

After India, Sri Lanka and wussey Oceanic nations said no, Pakistan finally turned to the fat kid, and said, “West Indies, I pick you.” And then added “I suppose.”

No one is sure whether even the ugly, fat kid will get involved in Pakistan’s increasingly pooey team.

The WICB website doesn’t seem to have registered the proposal. Its last news item is dated in July. Apparently, nothing has happened to the entire region during the summer.

The proposition is an interesting test of sociological convention: which is more dangerous, downtown Islamabad or uptown Kingston?

It’s a tricky one, but hopefully, armed with bat-like clubs and full body protection, the Windies are tooled up to hit the streets and get involved in some serious action.

I say that excitedly, although the only action that the West Indies busy themselves with is of the “rear guard” kind. And rarely with much commitment then.

You rather feel that Pakistan has been buoyed by the BCCI’s bolshiness, and attempted similarly bullying of the world. The world, though, realising that Pakistan is a dodgy backwater, simply say, “farty pants.” And all goes tits up.

Talking of tits us, seen Herr Warne’s recent comments? HA!

Herr Warne plans to take over England

Continuing our international theme here at Ayalac, we are going to talk about German leaders today. The German for leader is “fuehrer”.

A Herr Warne, captain of Hampshire is attempting to forcibly capture the England cricket team. Warne has stressed that he does not wish to be known as “Adolf”.

His strategy is to conquer the ECB by sending in waves of fifth columnists. That is, players (possibly dresses as nuns) entering the England team, with intentions to subvert from within.

The first of these penetrating nuns with cricket balls, was Chris Tremlett, introduced on Warne’s suggestion. Then it was a dubious looking Russian, Dimitri Mascarenhas. Both fresh from training camps in the Bad-Hamshireburg.

Now Herr Warne is calling for Phil Mustard to be brought into the England team. Apparently, he’s really good, and in a novel comparison, Warne believes that Mustard is a bit like Adam Gilchrist.

Gilchrist is a brilliant batsman, who has destroyed every attack in world cricket. Mustard is pictured above. Comparison between these two men is obvious enemy propaganda and we must ignore it.

We must stick to ill-performing wicket-keepers for at least two years of rank failure before we can consider dropping them. Then we have to bring them back for a bit, in an unexpected winter offensive. Only to be beaten back by under-whelming numbers.

Although, the Durham keepers promotion to the national set-up would give rise to a whole kaleidoscope of puns. Phil is the Mustard, you could say. Warne keen as Mustard. Or how about Sunderland cuts the Mustard.

The list is literally endless.

For headline-writing ease reasons, expect a journalist’s campaign to secure his rise.