Monday, May 04, 2009

Afghanistan: All-conquering mega-heroes

Afghanistan have recently dispatched another cricketing superpower. In a grudge match, fought, in true Pashtun fashion, to the death, huge crowds and bemused US soldiers saw the central Asian nation finish off the entire village of Ditchling.

Jamie Theakston captained the Ditchlingers, was quoted to have said,

"It is important in the process of nation-building and redevelopment that peasant peoples understand the value of pop personalities and meaningless gestures."

Theakston, famed for having once slept with Syphilis Spice, followed the match with the much more enjoyable game of having his carcass used in a stirring contest of Buzkashi, a sort of Afghan polo that Sylvester Stallone invented in 1985.

This received a much livelier response from the locals, as well as the English, familiar with Theakston’s work.

In any case, the West Sussex village team were comprehensively showed up by the Afghanis, who had showed the advantage of years of professional training and a massive stock-pile of AK-47s.

It perhaps proves the intrinsic sporting superiority over dessert people compared to the cultivated – just look at Australia.

There must be some advantage of living in Afghanistan. For instance, I imagine that Afghanistanis don’t have to endure the sexually frustrated croonings of Lilley Allen every time they go into a shop. That has to raise the moral.

Anyway, here’s to Afghan dominance! Death to imperial, neo-colonial aggression!

[I’m going to be off for a few days this week. Don’t worry though, this site is never quiet for more than a few hours. The ever reliable AYALAC, has some juicy generic content applicable to all scenarios lined up for you.]

1 comment:

Roberto said...

"It is important in the process of nation-building and redevelopment that peasant peoples understand the value of pop personalities and meaningless gestures."

i have so much love for you, left-arm chinaman.