Tuesday, March 03, 2009

English stole cricket from the Belgians

Ah. Belgium. Any society that produces such fine beer, such fine chocolates and a multitude of incomprehensible red tape is ok by my standards. It’s definitely one of my favourite countries, although comes a poor second to Finland when going abroad.

The Belgians have spent most of their history being forgotten by their neighbours. However, they have spent their time wisely, by creating a number of world-changing inventions: chips, Tintin, and now, it has been recently revealed, cricket.

The claim originates from an obviously fake poem from the 16th century which refers to "kings of crekettes" and “wickettes”.

Apparently, being bored out of their skulls by living in Belgian, the inventors of this fine game left for England where upon, a dubious BBC website article claims, they went to university to launch Stanford-style marketing weeze that took the country by storm.

The obvious weakness in this argument that Belgians don’t have the mental capacity for university, so we can quickly uncover the story as a fake.

Cricket was, in fact, invented by Muhammad Ibn Arabi in 1195, somewhere in Northern Africa. It was believed to have started when, after dispatching a camel in a particularly savage style, the Arabic poet had nothing left to better with his enormous “Grāy-ničoułs”, and therefore used the stocks from a nearby orphanage.

Eventually, it became more practicable to use smaller objects that are easier to throw and squirm less.

The game became popular with the higher class rats, who would winter in England. Proving that no pleasure goes unpunished, the rodents also brought with them the Black Death, which wiped out a third of the British population and leaving the survivors badly disfigured.

This is where the phrase “short square leg” comes from.

The problem with Belgians is their low profile. Remember any famous Belgians? Well, you might, but they certainly aren’t famous. And if they are famous, they probably originate from England.

So none of that smart Alecery thank you very much.


Jrod said...

No wonder I have always loved JCVD.

David Barry said...

Remember any famous Belgians?

The Atheist said...

I asked for that.

In any case, I'll have you now that ol' Hergo was an Essex boy.

You only get those sort of extreme views from the East Coast of England.

miriam said...

Adolphe Sax.

The Atheist said...


Nope. Doesn't count.

D Charlton said...

There was that tennis player - Courtney Cox Arquette - or, what was her name - had a very pretty backhand.

Justine Henin Ardennes - or just Henin now - that's the one.

She's so famous i remembered her.

raj said...

Well, there's Poirot but then in the nick of time, I remembered tht he, infact, originated from England - from an Englishwoman's imagination, at that

The Atheist said...

raj, don't feel too bad, once you have exposured yourself to European pleasures, the imagination of Englishwomen seems rather limited anyhow.

D, I'm afraid ex-tennis players no longer classify as "famous". They become something else. John McEnroe has become a hairdo, for instance.

I'm still winning.

Pepperman said...

Jacques Brel and every single Belgian beer there is...