Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The drama of South African domestic cricket

The modern world, as we will all no doubt readily acknowledge, is generally a rather rubbish place. Not only is it showing obvious signs of “going down the pan” (as it has for some millennia now) but, in the words of the great Ed Reardon, it is also run by 12 year olds.

No where is this more apparent that the domestic scene in South Africa. According to the singularity of all knowledge, cricinfo, there are two matches going on in Safferdom. They are:

Dolphins v Cobras
Warriors v Eagles

These two matches, I feel, have been unfairly neglected by the mainstream press. Surely, we are all interested to discover who would win in a fight between poisonous snakes and an angry pod of Delphinidae.

I suppose, as with all matches, the outcome much depends on the conditions. If played on the dry, arid pitches familiar to cobras, the dolphins, for all their superiority in size, would probably be picked off by the snakes after an attritional spell.

Conversely, if the dolphins play at home, then the cobras had better hope for a quick, decisive bite, or they’ll be all at sea.

Now, if they play at some neutral venue, like Bognor Regis beach, for instance, they’ll be on a level playing field. Leaving the cobras in a strong defensive position, but also allowing the dolphins some opportunity to attack with the tide.

Nevertheless, I would still put my money on the snake, that Flipper was fucking useless.

The second match is between eagles and warriors. What they mean by “warriors” is unclear – but I’m guessing they’re either a group of Ultimate Warriors, or some sort of deranged gaggle of Klingons.

The eagles have the advantage of good flight, but once the warriors get ahold of them, it’ll probably be a quick dash to the finish. The birds have to hope that they can baffle the men with a few clever sledges to confuse their enemy’s simple mind, and peck them into submission.

All these exciting events are going on, and the liberal establishment refuse to report on it.

In any case, kudos to the Dolphins for opening the bowling with Sanath Jayasuriya.


Dave said...

Fantastic, Athiest. I'd love to see Saffer domestic cricket played on Bognor Regis beach.

Cricket Tragic said...

Hahahahahahaha!!! Absolutely funny! That was simply crazy dude! Actually, now that you mention it, I just realised that the names are quite strange....and i though 'Daredevils' and 'Knight Riders' were funny!

BTW, what do you make of the 'Titans'? What do you think they'll be like?

D Charlton said...

Atheist, since your move to Germany, your blog has gone stratospheric in quality - but as you're only posting once in a while, i fear it is going under-appreciated.

Brilliant last posts, this especially. And shame on anyone not reading AYLAC - shame on you.

Maybe a new Bumming would reinvigorate the masses...?

When is the next one?

The Atheist said...

Cheers for the sentiment, D.

Will give you lot a good bumming next week. I'm off to Budapest though now, have a good one!