Tuesday, November 25, 2008

England so bad that, even when they scored more runs than the opposition, they lost

As many animal torturers have noted, cricket is a funny game. It’s hard to explain its rules to muggles.

You might say something like: “They idea is to score more runs that your opponent. Then you get pissed.”

Then, along comes the latest England game. England and India both faced 22 overs. India scored 166, England scored 178. Obviously India won.

It’s the unpredictability of the game that makes it so interesting.

However, to their credit, the one quality that England have displayed for many years has been predictability. I lauded the ECB management for its parsimonious approach to altering the team management.

Keeping with the same useless team for the sake of stability was a courageous move. But, then they turned out to be as brave as Ishant Sharma’s moustache.

Then they bugger about with every aspect of the team make-up and lose repeatedly in humiliating fashion.

It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so wrist-cuttingly depressing.

Normally, as a fan, you believe you know more than most sages. And more especially more than team selectors. If push came to shove, however, most people would defer to the “experts”, and let Patrick Moores get his way. “Sure Pete, me ol’ mucker, you’ve won a few Championships. What have I done? Memorised the entire script of 24? That’s nothing. You, mate, are a god.”

But now we know. We all know.

I now know that I am better than them. THIS IS KNOWLEDGE. In fact, the drunken, jobless German that harassed me on my way home yesterday would exhibit greater team-selecting skills than England. And he only had one eye.

Don’t worry though. It’ll all be fine next time. They’re having a Team Meeting.

And we all know from our respective workplaces how productive and motivating Team Meetings are.

7 comments:

Rob said...

Still, look on the bright side, its nice and warm outside and we are in the middle of the biggest boom time since records began...

England and Moores are crap...but at least they haven't trashed the country.

Dave said...

I think Patrick Moore might actually do a better job.

The Atheist said...

Rob, with a snide remark about the rubbish English weather and an insinuation that the English management are responsible for the international credit crisis, you have probably produced the best comment I have ever read.

Not a bad effort by Dave, either, mind.

horatius said...

Atheist,

You need to clone KP and Flintoff and maybe in 15 years when they start playing, you'll give Australia a one-day thumping they'll remember.

Or maybe, just maybe, you won't wait for your best spinner (who's currently just under 20) to get to 40 before you take him into the team. Graeme Swann ain't gonna cut it in India.

Damith S. said...

sorry state englands in tbh, its not that they dont have the players, they are just not functioning as a team, and all this tinkering every single fucking game doesnt help either.

i resonated your views on explaining cricket to others, check it out here
http://www.theflyslip.net/india-166-england-178-england-loose/

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