Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Anderson: living example of why you shouldn’t look in medical dictionaries

Once again, I can herald the return of Chris Tremlett into the England fold.

Although he looks like a serial killer to me, he’s apparently a bit of a pin-up. Not sure why. But then again, so is Daniel Vettori. All proving that women make as much sense as a George Bush.

Now there’s a comparison you don’t make everyday.

In any case, Tremler’s rightful elevation to the national squad is partly due to Steve Harmison’s continued twattish behaviour, and partly due to James Anderson incomparably awful bowling.

In fact, you can make comparisons to Anderson's bowling. He’s like that weird picture you see in the paper. You stare and stare at it, but you can’t work out what it’s about. Is it a person? A body-part perhaps. Then, oh my god, before you can tear your eyes away, you suddenly see that it’s a spine-chilling, disturbing image of a horrific injury.

Because you’ve been staring at it for so long, every detail is permanently seared onto your consciousness. You have nightmares about joints going “that” way; objects piercing “that” place; flesh wounds going “that” colour.

My sleep is tormented by Anderson’s horrifying long-hops; his painful gropes for swing; his excruciating attempts at yorkers.

We all know that Tremlers is The Hope. The Great Hope. He’s going to be great.

To continue the comparison vein, although AYALAC is unique, the nearest thing you can compare us to is this video. It’s like a visual version of this site.

Now, if an Allison Goldfrapp wondering around in her pants whilst chucking around garden furniture isn't sexy, then I don’t know what is.


Unknown said...

I know exactly what you mean with that disturbing image - reminds me of this blog.

Bet you can't resist looking.

Miriam said...

Let me, a woman, make sense to you:

Daniel Vettori is the thinking woman's crumpet.

Chris Tremlett is the Cosmo woman's crumpet.

I'll leave it to you to decide whether there is an intersection in that particular Venn diagram.

Spigot said...

Tremlett rapidly became known as Skeletor in our household.

BTW, I like to think I bear a passing resemblance to Vettori. No one else has agreed yet sadly.

Anonymous said...

Vettori though great is not the crumpet for me and Anderson is much better looking than Tremlett in my opinion. This obivously means I am neither a thinking woman nor a cosmo woman, shame.

But really it's Stuart Broad all the way for me. I also like Alistair Cook.