Wednesday, March 26, 2008

So England win

Put your Smug Boots on, chaps, England won a test series abroad. It has been a while since anyone has said that. Nevertheless, some England fans are treating this as an effective loss. I’m not sure why, I think that most of them are stuck on “whine” mode.

Some are confused as to where their loyalties lie, others focus on the positives, and the rest don’t care.

Generally, I think our boys did well – players AND management. We went there under-cooked and over-confident. The Kiwis taught us a lesson during the ODIs, but we still didn’t get the picture and consequently lost the first test.

Then, drastic action was taken, and we saw a substantial improvement. Shockingly, both Matthew Hoggard and Steve Harmison were dropped. And I suspect the rest of the team received a barracking.

Then centuries and five-fors began to emerge – a sure sign of a settled side composed of quality individuals.

Sure, the New Zealanders aren’t the Harlem Globetrotters, but all you can do is beat the team in front of you. England did that, so fair play to them.

More encouraging, was the decisive way in which the temporary inadequacies of the performance were dealt with. So, plaudits to Peter Moores, too.

So, do we make any special mentions? Yes. Yes we do.

Firstly, to the Kiwis, although you looked generally rubbish and at times desperate, but there are some positive indicators for the future: Ross Taylor looks competent; Jamie How should be scoring runs soon; and young Tim Southee put in an exceptional performance on his debut. His mad innings of 77 from 48 balls, giving him a test average of 136, and his five-for opening the bowling is an impressive feat for the most gormless man in international cricket.

Lastly, to the England, what to say? A typical up-and-down knock-a-bout for us loyal fans. However, by far and away the most consistent and penetrating team-member was Ryan Hairybottom. His awesomely simple bowling destroyed the Kiwis. And for that… I appoint Sir Siders as the new OFFICIAL GOD.



Suave said...

All hail our oxymoron overlord!

Huzzah, Huzzah!

miriam said...

A non-spinner as official god? What? WHAT? I mean, I know you're an Atheist but a heretic too?

Miss Field said...

I want to be a god!

John said...

Hairybottom godlier than Kumble? You blaspheme.

Miss Field said...

Wait, I'm not an England fan, what are you saying?!

David Barry said...

I know you're an Atheist but a heretic too?
That reminds me of a story Richard Dawkins tells of a man in the US. He tells his Christian parents one day that he's an atheist. His parents are horrified. "Not believing in God I could take, but an atheist?!"

The Atheist said...

Miriam, Ah, that's where you would be wrong. In fact, the position of Official God was created for Alastair Cook. Although, in an ideal world, I would put a spinner in that position, it's just that in my tiny bubble, likeable good spinners are thin on the ground.

Missy, you could have been a god. You can your opportunity. But you smote it.

Miss Field said...

But I want my reign to last forever, not until you like a lad who wears eyeliner or has big hair better.

Is there anything other than that that I can do to elevate my status?

miriam said...

Eyeliner Boy? What the...?

My whole belief system has been rent asunder. Asunder, I tell you!

The Atheist said...

Missy, you know how to please The Atheist. You know the path. It is your choice whether you choose this, righteous route, or... The Other Way.

Miriam, I'm sorry you are not as loyal a reader as you should be. But when you're promiscuous with you're reading, you are bound to get a nasty shock sooner or later.

Miss Field said...

Jeez, he's on fire today.

Quick, put him out.

Actually you sound like one of the characters from Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty series, talking like that.

miriam said...

So I'm a promiscuous cricket blog whore, so sue me. You have driven me to it. Until one of you meets all my many and varied needs [blogging-wise] I don't see that I have any real choice.

Anonymous said...

I know I'm being nit-picky but Southee's Test average is 82, unless you count runs added when Chris Martin's at the wicket as double or to be exact 1.7012987012987012987012987012987.