Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Much needed money granted to Lord’s

The South of England has traditionally been the more disadvantaged area of the country, and London especially has suffered from financial neglect.

Whereas money abounds in the lush green hills of The North, with areas such as Bradford and Darlington boasting wealthy centres of cricketing excellence. But these cash-rich areas aside, the game of cricket in the South has been shamefully overlooked.

Now, at long last, the MCC seek to redress the balance, and invest £200 million in a much needed redevelopment of Lords. Although this is a poultry sum compared with the shed-loads of resources shifted Northwards daily, it is a start.

The plans released so far outline economical and totally worthwhile schemes to erect new floodlights and expand the capacity slightly. There is talk of installing an “academy” although, even though no one is entirely explicit on the meaning of this, experts still believe the project to be a “not at all shit” use of public money.

Indeed, it has been well over a year since the last multi-million project at Lords, and the ground has since fallen into disrepair.

Anyone who has been to Lords will appreciate the poverty of the area, and the desperation of the spectators who shuffle about forlornly in diseased rags, barely able to understand the game such is their malnutrition.

The redevelop is part of the MCC’s bid to secure the Lords’ ground’s hosting of future test matches. Although, this is frankly pie in the sky thinking – how that place can even dream of holding five day events before the dilapidated stands collapse is pitiable.

Although Lord’s considers itself the Home of Cricket, cricket seemed to dislike the wall-paper and moved to Dubai some years ago. Nevertheless, David Batts, MCC’s Masterplan Project Director said:

“Nearly half of MCC’s membership responded and there was overwhelming backing to support the improvement of Lord’s for future generations of cricketers, cricket fans and of course members.”

A Lord’s spokesman responded by saying:
“Ha ha ha. Can you believe these gulliable twats? Wahay! Let’s get pissed on Pimms!”

4 comments:

Suave said...

I bet the £200 mill, isn't coming from the pockets of the bacon and egg wearing, afternoon dozing, old rich fuckers, in the members enclosure!

Also, Yorkshire, those rich northern bastards, have changed their names for one day games, to Yorkshire Carnegie, after a significant investment from Leeds Metropolitan University.

What the f*ck is a university doing spending it's money, on sponsering a cricket side, when it could be investing in, stuff the students might need, like books, or a proper IT infrastucture, student digs, or drinking dens and strippers (actually, there's enough of those to go around in Leeds)

Miss Field said...

I wonder if they've budgeted for lights. Nah. How on earth would they draw if they couldn't claim light?

Mike - Flintoffs Ashes said...

Hehehe. Have to say that I chuckled heartily when I read this.

Mind you, I was pissed on Pimms at the time...

King Cricket said...

If The Oval and Lord's didn't get two Tests out of every series, Old Trafford might have to host one - or even Headingley.

That would be a long drive for everybody. Thank God they're fighting it.