Friday, August 03, 2007

Cheese over the airwaves

Has anyone listened to the BBC’s baby TMS commentary of county matches?

Being a Somerset fan, I occasionally listen to their progress in whatever game that they’re playing. However, radio technology has not penetrated deep into the West Country, so I usually listen to another random match when working at the computer.

Today I was listening to the Warwickshire vs. Durham match. The radio commentary did not advance my knowledge of the game’s progress.

The local radio coverage is like a no-holds-barred TMS. The commentators have no pretence of covering the actual match, two blokes just chat away for hours. As the whole thing is so slap-dash, you can usually hear producers chirping instructions in the background and every half-hour the whole thing grinds to a halt when a summary is suddenly given to some other station.

There are long stretches when cricket isn’t discussed at all. An average over, it seems, consists of two balls. Sporadically, they become self-conscious of this fact and say something dismissive like “there is really nothing happening in the cricket at the moment.”

Today I listened to Fat Commentator and Obnoxious Commentator having a discussion about ice cream. It was more or less like this:

FC: I like pistachio best. Yourself?
OC: I like all sorts, really. Unless there are weird types, [WHAT’S HE ON ABOUT?] I like caramel, fudge, banana, strawberry, vanilla, you know, those kinds of things.
FC: Yeah.
OC: I don’t eat much, though.
FC: Ooh. I like ice cream.
OC: So I see.
FC: Me and my…er…quite…well me and my wife love ice cream. And my son. He’s a head-master. Although I’m on “ice cream light” now which…
OC: What?! I hate those kinds of things. If you are going to have ice cream have ice cream…
FC: As Gibson starts his over with a ball down the off side.
OC: That’s almost as bad as that cheese stuff.
FC: Oh. Cheese Light?
OC: Yeah. That. All that stuff. I hate all of that.
FC: Oh. Me and my wife like that. And….
OC: What! WHAT!....What? You eat that? What the hell is it?
FC: Cheese with the nasty bits taken out. It’s healthy for…
OC: You mean the cheese? It’s cheese with the cheese taken out, isn’t it?
FC: Well, yes. But it’s much better for you.
OC: What’s the point? You want cheese that fattens you.
FC: Wiseman now bowls to Loudon on a length.
OC: I hate Harry Potter. And people who read it.
FC: Me and my wife read a lot of Harry Potter. And my son. He’s a head-master, you know?

I later found out later from the BBC website that Durham won in impressive style. Apparently, it was a cracking match.