Yardy to save England from death and much worse

I went out last night. To some dodgy greasy-spoon restaurant. After the meal, I really needed the toilet, but my friend was telling me a long-winded story about the perils of falling asleep on trains.

Mercifully, I managed to break up the little anecdote and ran, yes ran, to the nearest public loo. As soon as I got on the train, I prompty fell asleep and missed my stop by a Steve Harmison margin. It was a long walk home at one o'clock in the morning. That’s karma, is that.

So, anyway, England are playing the West Indies again. This time, they are doing it in Birmingham. This is something I don’t recommend.

Once again, the selectors prove their propensity for the wrong, by dropping Monty for a bloke who has a bigger forehead. Yes, Michael Yardy is back. Why? Well, first, there’s the forehead thing, and second he’s better at batting. The fact that he’s useless at bowling aside, he would contribute the odd 20 when the going gets tough. That will mean we will win more.

England have always needed a man with a head shaped like that. The recent Australian success is principally due to their cubical craniums.

Never mind the fact that if you bowl the opposition out it rarely gets that tough. What we have to be worried about it the fearsome West Indies bowling attack which time and time again has destroyed the England line-up. The selectors are wise to drop our best bowler for a guy whose international career holds no serious future and would probably never be needed. The selectors are not feckless morons. No. Not at all.

Then again, they may have needed the loo when they were drawing up the team. They probably started from the bottom.