Saturday, June 23, 2007

The new England captain in profile

This is the face of the new England one-day captain. He’s the one that looks like a sports physiotherapist. Let us analyse the image of Paul Collingwood.

The first thing you will notice about Collingwood is that he looks alarmingly like my dad. The first give away is the skin. It has two colours: white and red. Notice its total inability to deal with sweltering temperatures above 10 degrees. When it’s warm, his entire body turns bright red. When it’s a moderate, it returns to it’s usual Durham pale.

Despite this, he always complains about the cold. And how he wished he lived in a really hot country, like Denmark or Luxembourg. There’s just no winning with these people.

The next similarity is the hair. Like an orange flame, it gives him super-human powers. He achieves things that you would think are beyond a man of his age. I’ve chucked in a picture of my dad playing football here to show you the uncanny similarity.

Of course, sometimes they can over-estimate their ability. Here’s Collingwood flat-out after running into a lamp-post. It’s a familiar sight to The Atheist’s Christmas celebrations. Happy days.

Lastly, the most striking thing you will notice about the newly-appointed England captain is that he doesn’t look anything like this man. Which, I think, is a major weakness in any leader.

Here’s another shot from The Atheist’s last Christmas. We might have got the “beached whale” section of charades. Either that or the Queen’s Speech is on.

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